See No Evil Needed More Penis

[Guest Craig]

Stolen from SomethingAwful, and it's supposedly from the Observer.

 

Dave Madigan, a former WWE writer, and writer of the movie "See No Evil" starring Kane; said in a recent online interview (hosted by Keith Lipinski) when he was writing the movie that Vince had suggested a scene showing Kane masterbating his 36 inch penis. Madigan, in a room with a bunch of other people including Vince, was the only one to speak up and nix the idea.

 

Stupid Madigan. If they had a scene with Kane stroking his 36 inch penis, that movie would have been the very definition of making money. Especially since it was 36 inches. 40 would have been overkill, and 20 wouldn't have been enough. 36 is just right.

 

Man, I'd love to know how Vince's mind works. Anyway, here's some more news for some of you to bitch at or whatever. Especially the Cena/Killings thing. I hope it's debate reaches Cena/New Jack levels. If something has already been posted, then just ignore it.

 

Teddy Long has been told he will remain a General Manager. Because it would require a full house show schedule, Vickie Guerrero can not accept the role of General Manager due to the fact that she is raising three kids by herself. Vince still wants to keep Vickie as an on-air character.

 

Shane Helms is targeting April of 2008 as his return date to WWE.

 

Dustin Rhodes and Kamala were originally booked to be on the recent Saturday Night's Main event show taped in Toronto. They were scheduled to be in an 8 man tag match featuring Goldust, Kamala, Shannon Moore, and Kane vs Umaga, Viscera, Doink, and Kevin Thorn. Dustin had to cancel for various reasons (prior booking, bad back, etc). WWE had asked Dusty Rhodes, a WWE employee, for help on the situation with his son but he declined saying he did not want to mix business with family. When Vince got word of Dustin backing out, he decided they would not use any non contract employees on the show, which is why Kamala did not appear. Although plans are likely cancelled now, WWE was set to give Dustin a full time contract for his Goldust character to be a major heel on Raw due to lack of depth.

 

MVP's real name is Alvin Burk. Hasaan Asaad is the Muslim name he used in prison. Even though he practiced the religion while in prison, he does not talk about it now. MVP has a tatoo of Malcom X on is chest and WWE covers it up with the outfit that he wears.

 

Regarding the John Cena & Ron Killings airport confrontation reports; a lot of people in WWE believe had they actually gotten into a fight, Ron Killings would have won. And had that happened, Vince would have been hugely upset because an undercard wrestler beat up his champion. This goes without saying that Cena would have legal charges against him. All the what ifs had many thinking a public relations nightmare. Most in WWE believe that Vince has never looked at Batista quite the same after he lost a real life backstage fight to Booker T. Had it not been for Dusty Rhodes' influence, it is believed that Batista would not have gotten the title back last year.

 

Chris Benoit is likely to be moved to Raw in the draft.

 

Danica Patrick recently refused to do a GoDaddy.com commercial with Candice Michelle. The two were slated to be standing back to back repeatedly saying, "I'm racier", with Michelle saying it more sexier each time. There are no hard feelings between the two as Candice was invited by Patrick to the Indy 500.

 

There was a suggestion within WWE that Paul Heyman be brought back to manage a heel to propel that wrestler to main event level. Vince was said to be lukewarm to the idea but those closest to him are against a Heyman return.

 

Vince McMahon wants his referees to be more like UFC referees. Vince is aiming for the refs to regain the respect they once had in the old days, and not be viewed as comedy characters as they are today. The plan is to start calling DQ finishes when they see rules broken. They want to do less referee bumps (refs getting knocked out). There is even talk of the refs calling stoppages when a wrestler can not continue. Internally, WWE knows the fans of today will boo these finsishes because it is not a clean finish and not the wrestling they know. They are hoping to change their minds. This idea was brought on by the recent popularity of UFC, and could be killed at any time based on Vince's reputation of going back and forth with past decisions.

[Guest Dave7g]

Hehe! I've heard though in Vince's defence that Madigan wanted Heidenreich to be introduced as a frozen corpse (not unlike Lashley) portraying a Nazi from the 2nd world war, unfrozen then to face the undertaker, I believe it was all going to go ahead until Shane said something along the lines of "F*** That!"

[TPIB 62]

First off, kudos to Craig for an awesome title to this thread. Also, I was disturbed by the masturbating that was in See No Evil (not to mention the semi-kayfabe commentary). If Kane masturbated a 36-inch penis, I would be more disturbed (or as disturbed, more realistically) than when I watched "Farce of the Penguins" (seriously, don't waste your time, it sucks and you feel like you need to take a shower after watching it).

 

Now I read a little while ago, that MVP was using the wrestling attire due to some "extra weight" and that they planned to change it to a better attire soon. Whatever happened to that?

[Red05 343]

What's up with Shane Helms?

[Guest Citizen Kane]

What's up with Shane Helms?

 

Broken neck.

[Red05 343]

Wowza's bowza's. How'd that happen like?

[Guest SuperKick Kid]

Hehe! I've heard though in Vince's defence that Madigan wanted Heidenreich to be introduced as a frozen corpse (not unlike Lashley) portraying a Nazi from the 2nd world war, unfrozen then to face the undertaker, I believe it was all going to go ahead until Shane said something along the lines of "F*** That!"

 

If that is true, then thank God for Shane.

 

He seems like the only sane person in that family.

[Guest dpddave]

If that is true, then thank God for Shane.

 

He seems like the only sane person in that family.

 

and hes still a crazy bas*ard

[Guest Dave7g]

If that is true, then thank God for Shane.

 

He seems like the only sane person in that family.

 

Well you may thank Stephanie for crazy Vince no# 346

[Guest Da Showstoppa]

Wowza's bowza's. How'd that happen like?

 

Just the usual, wear and tear from years of physical abuse. I don't think he had any single impact that did it.

 

 

Mike

[Dead Crow 370]

More news, also stolen from SA...

 

-There was an incident backstage at this week's SmackDown! tapings where a number of indy wrestlers who were visiting backstage were loudly reprimanded by WWE's John Laurinaitis for coming into the backstage catering area and helping themselves. One guy who helps out backstage at TNA shows, was singled out by Laurinaitis saying WWE would never send their workers backstage to eat TNA's catering.

 

-Mike Knox currently has the longest active streak of able WWE stars currently on the main roster not appearing on television. He hasn't wrestled in a television match since his loss to CM Punk on the 2/13 edition of ECW. In fact, that has been his only television match this year. The next person on the list is Jamie Noble, who hasn't been seen since the No Way Out pay-per-view on 2/18. Shannon Moore follows Noble at number three as he hasn't wrestled in a TV match since the 2/27 Smackdown. Moore was on the cusp of ending his three month non-wrestling drought as he was originally scheduled to wrestle in the "freaks" match at last week's SNME taping, but because Dustin "Goldust" Runnels pulled out of the match at the last minute, it created a domino effect and he was scratched from the match. If you don't include Trinity's appearance at WrestleMania as a Lumberjill, then she actually has the longest drought of not being used as she hasn't appeared on television in a featured role since the 1/2 ECW episode.

 

-WWE is motioning for a lawsuit filed against them and The Sandman by Karlene Boutwell for alleged assault and battery during the Sandman’s entrance on an August 2006 broadcast of ECW on Sci Fi to be thrown out. WWE notes that the suit was filed in Tennessee; however Boutwell is a Florida resident, they are a Connecticut based company and The Sandman is a resident of Pennsylvania.

 

-A dark main event with WWE Champion John Cena vs. Umaga is being advertised for this Monday’s three-hour special edition of RAW. The event sold out well in advance with employees and wrestlers even unable to obtain tickets for friends.

 

-This past Saturday’s edition of WWE Saturday Night’s Main Event did a 2.2 broadcast rating with a 5.0 share. This number is way down from Saturday Night Live which normally airs in this timeslot.

 

This is why NBC moved the show to late night because they predicted a low rating. It also didn’t help that the show was taped almost a week before the air date.

 

-Carlito's brother, Eddie Colon, was given a tryout at the May 8 WWE SmackDown & ECW event. He wrestled against Shannon Moore and defeated him.

 

-Scott Steiner is currently listed as being in serious condition in the hospital in Puerto Rico. Fortunately, he is expected to make a full recovery. Backstage announcer Jeremy Borash is down in Puerto Rico tending to Steiner and his wife.

 

-Stomper the Kangaroo, which was the TNA mascot that made a few appearances in the Impact Zone last month, appears to be a dead idea.

[Guest Jung]

Like the idea of refs being taken more seriously.Its almost a written law these days that says main event= ref bump. Plus I think the stoppages could work providing its a move that actually looks like it could knock someone out, be it a choke or just a kick to the head. But if its a slam and someone's knocked out, people will boo, same with like the FU or something. They should try and play up the seriousness of neck injuries so things like Powerbombs, stiff kicks etc seem more dangerous.

 

I'm all for it.

 

As for the Kane thing? Well Vince has been losing the plot for ages, just more evidence. Plus you have to love the constant hire/fire policy with Goldust. Just brilliant human resources work there.

[Guest The Genetic Jackhammer]

But it said that goldust pulled out of the match himself, not that he got fired. Haha agreed Vince has lost the plot for ages but it just makes me like him even more.

[Guest Twig]

Yes, but Goldust had been hired, fired, hired, fired, and then nearly hired again... or was he fired another time... I don't remember.