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Chuck Norris


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Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

 

You can lead a horse to water. Chuck Norris can make him drink.

 

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Chuck Norris spared your life.

 

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Chuck Norris. Sounds like a fair fight.

 

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

 

Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas

 

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won

 

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

 

Chuck Norris can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

 

It would only take 1 bullet for Chuck Norris to kill 50 Cent.

 

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves

 

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

 

Simon Says should be renamed to Chuck Norris Says because if Chuck Norris says something then you better ****ing do it.

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Norris regained popularity as a cult icon during the mid-2000's, especially on the Internet. Among the more high-profile parodies and references are these instances:

 

* Late Night with Conan O'Brien's parent company, NBC, acquired Universal in early 2004, giving O'Brien permission to show footage of Walker, Texas Ranger without paying royalties. O'Brien and his writers subsequently created a new segment in which O'Brien shows short, out of context clips for comedic purposes. The "Walker, Texas Ranger Lever" quickly became one of the most popular segments on Late Night, with Norris himself showing up to parody his show and using his martial arts on O'Brien. This segment has been credited as jump-starting the Norris craze and leading to enough interest to produce a Walker, Texas Ranger TV movie.

* Norris is the object of an Internet phenomenon known as Chuck Norris Facts documenting and proclaiming fictional feats and characteristics, which began to circulate in late 2005. Norris has written his own response to the parody on his website, stating that he doesn't feel offended by them, and finds some of them funny. [8]

* Norris is a main character in a Flash movie made by Neil Cicierega, called Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, released December 2005. [9]

* Norris was parodied in a Saturday Night Live skit entitled "The Young Chuck Norris", aired January 21, 2006. [10]

* Norris has also become a sort of pop-icon on many websites big and small around the Internet, even ascending to meme status in some situations; this seems particularly associated with Internet photo-BBS websites, such as YTMND.com.

* Chuck Norris sponsors the infomercial, Total Gym Fitness, which usually airs in the late night or early morning hours.

Credit: Wiki

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According to chucknorrisfacts.com these are from the man himself:

 

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

 

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

 

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

 

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

 

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

 

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

 

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

 

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

 

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

 

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

 

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

 

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

 

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

 

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

 

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

 

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

 

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

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http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/81/ChuckNorris.jpg

 

Hear that sound ? That's the roundhouse kick that will knock you to the middle of next week incomming.

 

wow Chuck Norris must be pretty slow because i've been wating for 2 days and still no roundhouse kick?

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154)Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets

to kill the cow.

 

155)The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be

created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.

 

156)Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site

stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

 

157)It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your

future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a

roundhouse-kick to the face.

 

158)182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every

year.

 

159)Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but

Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

 

160)Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

 

161)If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his

three-hole-punch.

 

162)In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris".

Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by

Chuck Norris.

 

163)The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck

Norris.

 

164)Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If

you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you

are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

 

165)Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But

only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he

roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.

 

166)Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

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Instead of starting a new thread just thought I'd throw a Vin Diesel and Mr T fact in with Chuck Norris ones for us all to enjoy...

 

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel's name you get his life motto "I END LIVES" ! !

 

There is no "T" in Chuck Norris or Vin Diesel... coincidence ? Ha ha ha, I think not ! !

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