Jump to content

MALE COMEBACKS TO FEMALE COMEBACKS TO MALE PICK UP LINES


PHIZZLE
 Share

Recommended Posts

MALE COMEBACKS TO FEMALE COMEBACKS TO MALE PICK UP LINES

 

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a sl*t.

*****************************************************************************************

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: There's no need to get on your knees and s*ck me off just yet.

*****************************************************************************************

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: That's cool, cause after I'm done sh*gging you in the back of my car, I don't give a sh*t where you go.

*****************************************************************************************

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: That explains the moustache then!

*****************************************************************************************

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilised.

Man: No problem, I'll just shoot my load up your a***.

*****************************************************************************************

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick that is impossible to shake off once you've been sh*gged.

(OOPS... OUCH... )

*****************************************************************************************

Man: Would you like to dance?

Woman: I'd rather eat glass.

Man: I think you mis-heard me. I said you look fat in those pants.

*****************************************************************************************

Man: You're pretty...

Woman: P*ss off.

Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty f***'n ugly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Heres some more.....

 

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

 

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.

 

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

 

I like every bone in your body especially mine.

 

How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?

 

Will you be my love buffet so I can lay you out on a table and take anything I want?

 

Why don't you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?

 

Baby I'm like milk, I'll do your body good.

 

Is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them.

 

Hey baby lets play army I'll lay down you can blow me up.

 

If your left is thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas can I visit you in-between the holidays

 

If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

 

You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!

 

I want to kiss you passionately on the lips, and then move up to your belly-button.

 

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

 

If you were a car door I would slam you all night long

 

Baby, your so fine, I want to pour milk all over you and make you part of my complete breakfast.

 

How about you sit on my lap and we'll straighten things out

 

Baby, I'd run a mile for your vertical smile. Nice shirt.... wanna ****?

 

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together.

 

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

 

Can I have fries with that shake!

 

I've got the F, the C, and the K. All I need is U.

 

You're so sweet you're giving me a toothache.

 

Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?

 

If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.

 

Hi, I'm new in town. Can I have directions to your house?

 

Pardon my is there a mirror in your pocket because I can see myself in your pants.

 

Do you know CPR because you take my breath away.

 

Your daddy must of been a drug dealer 'cause you're dope.

 

My face is leaving in 15 minutes...be on it!

 

I'd look good on you.

 

When does your centerfold come out.

 

So do ya wanna see something really swell?

 

I've seem to have lost my number, can I have yours?

 

I've got the hot dog and you got the buns.

 

Is your name Gillette? ...because you're the best a man can get.

 

Are we near the airport or is that just my heart taking off?

 

I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I sure can make your bed rock.

 

You have nice legs. What time do they open?

 

Do you like Subway? How about my foot long?

 

Hey that dress looks nice. Can I talk you out of it.

 

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd just love to tap that ass!

 

Are those pants from outer space? Cause that ass is out of this world.

 

You're like a championship bass, I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.

 

Is your dad a terrorist? Because your the bomb!

 

Are you a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you.

 

If I flip this coin, what are the chances of me getting head tonight?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All rubbish compared to the timeless:

 

"Fancy going halves on a b@st@rd!?"

 

And, if you can remember it when you're drunk (and you'd HAVE to be drunk to try this one out...).

 

Boyo: Hi there. I'm worried. You worry me.

Hot Chick: How come?

Boyo: Well, I am seriously considering asking you to join me on the dancefloor, because I'd just dig dancing with you but I can't. You see, imagine this: Imagine I DO ask you to dance with me and imagine you say "yes". We go to the dancefloor, I ask your name, you ask mine, we shake our things for a while, we hug, our cheeks touch, I hold you, you grind. Now imagine we kiss. I kiss you softly on your beautiful soft lips and you kiss me back. Suddenly we're making out on the dancefloor. We then decide we like that so much that we make out for the rest of the night. Then we exchange phone numbers and promise to meet up later in the week. I text you, you text me, and we arrange to go to the cinema. Imagine that we don't even get an hour into the film before we're making out again! After the film we go out for drinks, and at the bar we decide we want to meet up again. Soon we're dating properly. You meet my friends, I meet your friends. Your friends love me, my friends love you - we become an item. I fall for you, you fall for me, and we move in together. We get a 2 bedroomed starter home. You get a job, I get a job and after our busy days we come home and fall into each other's arms and straight into bed. We are head over heels in love with each other. You love me, I love you. We decide to get married. All of our friends and family turn up to wish us well. You couldn't be happier, I couldn't be happier - I mean, look at you: wars have been started over women less beautiful than you. Sonow we're married and our jobs are going great. You get a promotion, I get a promotion and the money is raking in. We make so much money that we decide that we should have a child. You get pregnant and I get another promotion. We couldn't be happier. You give birth to a beautiful baby girl, she looks just like you, of course she does - she's beautiful. I'm so proud of you, you're the mother of my beautiful child. We have another child - a son this time - and I get another promotion and the money is raking in again. However this promotion means I am now working more hours than ever before, I even get yet another promotion. This means I'm working 90 hour weeks, I don't get to see our children - or you for that matter - due to work. But I love myjob soooo much that I'm not going to give it up in a hurry - I've never had it so good. Blimey! I've just got yet another promotion!! The only upside to this for you is that both of our children are now in school and you can afford a personal trainer. It must only take you a matter of weeks but in no time you'veworked out hard and you got pack the washboard abs, firm toned biceps, flawless ass and stunningly beautiful chest that's captivating me as I speak right now. My God, you're so beautiful. You're stunning! And after raising two bright, beautiful children practically on your own you're now back to your glamorous best, whilst I am stuck behind a desk, going grey from stress and putting on weight. Your personal trainer soon takes a shine to his best client though, and you've always had a thing for him. Soon you're having an affair, the best sex you've ever had, even better than me(!), and you feel fulfilled in ways I haven'tmade you feel since my third promotion. You tell me you are having an affair and that you want a divorce, and the divorce is ugly. Oh, how it's ugly! You hate me and I hate you and we're both a mess. You ask me to move out of the house I PAID FOR and I go mad and I wish bad things upon you and even say nasty things to you in front of the kids. You scream at me that I am no father to these kids and that your new man, the personal trainer, spends more time with them than I do. We don't speak properly even again and my once a week visitation to see the kids, posing as "Uncle Boyo", turns sour when I try to turn the children against you by buying them all the gifts you don't get them. My point is love, that if I DO ask you to dance and if you DO say yes, let's keep the sex strictly casual, because if we don't,then we BOTH know where this is headed!

 

Cheers!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

All rubbish compared to the timeless:

 

"Fancy going halves on a b@st@rd!?"

 

And, if you can remember it when you're drunk (and you'd HAVE to be drunk to try this one out...).

 

Boyo: Hi there. I'm worried. You worry me.

Hot Chick: How come?

Boyo: Well, I am seriously considering asking you to join me on the dancefloor, because I'd just dig dancing with you but I can't. You see, imagine this: Imagine I DO ask you to dance with me and imagine you say "yes". We go to the dancefloor, I ask your name, you ask mine, we shake our things for a while, we hug, our cheeks touch, I hold you, you grind. Now imagine we kiss. I kiss you softly on your beautiful soft lips and you kiss me back. Suddenly we're making out on the dancefloor. We then decide we like that so much that we make out for the rest of the night. Then we exchange phone numbers and promise to meet up later in the week. I text you, you text me, and we arrange to go to the cinema. Imagine that we don't even get an hour into the film before we're making out again! After the film we go out for drinks, and at the bar we decide we want to meet up again. Soon we're dating properly. You meet my friends, I meet your friends. Your friends love me, my friends love you - we become an item. I fall for you, you fall for me, and we move in together. We get a 2 bedroomed starter home. You get a job, I get a job and after our busy days we come home and fall into each other's arms and straight into bed. We are head over heels in love with each other. You love me, I love you. We decide to get married. All of our friends and family turn up to wish us well. You couldn't be happier, I couldn't be happier - I mean, look at you: wars have been started over women less beautiful than you. Sonow we're married and our jobs are going great. You get a promotion, I get a promotion and the money is raking in. We make so much money that we decide that we should have a child. You get pregnant and I get another promotion. We couldn't be happier. You give birth to a beautiful baby girl, she looks just like you, of course she does - she's beautiful. I'm so proud of you, you're the mother of my beautiful child. We have another child - a son this time - and I get another promotion and the money is raking in again. However this promotion means I am now working more hours than ever before, I even get yet another promotion. This means I'm working 90 hour weeks, I don't get to see our children - or you for that matter - due to work. But I love myjob soooo much that I'm not going to give it up in a hurry - I've never had it so good. Blimey! I've just got yet another promotion!! The only upside to this for you is that both of our children are now in school and you can afford a personal trainer. It must only take you a matter of weeks but in no time you'veworked out hard and you got pack the washboard abs, firm toned biceps, flawless ass and stunningly beautiful chest that's captivating me as I speak right now. My God, you're so beautiful. You're stunning! And after raising two bright, beautiful children practically on your own you're now back to your glamorous best, whilst I am stuck behind a desk, going grey from stress and putting on weight. Your personal trainer soon takes a shine to his best client though, and you've always had a thing for him. Soon you're having an affair, the best sex you've ever had, even better than me(!), and you feel fulfilled in ways I haven'tmade you feel since my third promotion. You tell me you are having an affair and that you want a divorce, and the divorce is ugly. Oh, how it's ugly! You hate me and I hate you and we're both a mess. You ask me to move out of the house I PAID FOR and I go mad and I wish bad things upon you and even say nasty things to you in front of the kids. You scream at me that I am no father to these kids and that your new man, the personal trainer, spends more time with them than I do. We don't speak properly even again and my once a week visitation to see the kids, posing as "Uncle Boyo", turns sour when I try to turn the children against you by buying them all the gifts you don't get them. My point is love, that if I DO ask you to dance and if you DO say yes, let's keep the sex strictly casual, because if we don't,then we BOTH know where this is headed!

 

Cheers!

 

I've tried that... only I don't say blimey. :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share



×
×
  • Create New...