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*** Official Raw Discussion Thread - 12th December 2005 ***


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Preview:

 

For the first time since July 2002, Eric Bischoff will not be in charge when RAW goes on the air Monday night on USA. Who will be the new General Manager now that Mr. McMahon has fired Bischoff? Watch RAW for more on this developing story.

 

Also, Mr. McMahon has ordered a series of Elimination Chamber Qualifying matches to determine who will face WWE Champion John Cena in the Elimination Chamber at New Year's Revolution. It will be Kurt Angle vs. Ric Flair, Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito, Chris Masters vs. Viscera, Shawn Michaels vs. Big Show and Triple H vs. Kane. Who will advance? Watch RAW to find out.

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Wouldn't it be nice to give Tajiri a nice send off? It will never happen though. I think the matches could be a bit better really.

 

Chris Masters vs. Viscera, on prime time television, live. Somebody whack Vince McMahon hard, with a blunt instrument!

Edited by Dave7g
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You must mean Heat.

 

I mean RAW.

 

BTW, I would expect to see Trevor Murdoch in action on RAW; he was shown in the pre-RAW pictures. WWE.com may be sending subtle clues to who the G.M. will be, but I'm saying Dusty Rhodes, it may be a tease by WWE, but I'm going w/ it. From what I've heard, it's almost a sure thing according to SEScoops. Tonight's RAW better be good, because chances are we won't see a decent one until the 26'th. WWE follows normal, 'live', storylines in England, why not Afghanistan?

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So Cena uses the tired old "Supporting the Troops" crap to get him some pops in his hometown. The thing I don't like about that is, if Daivari bumped into Todd Pettingill instead of Cena and Pettingill had the same cheesey script, the pops would be exactly the same.

 

Yup, pretty boring. No GM announced and the most retarded looking main event I've ever seen, what in the name of Bret Hart was that all about?

Edited by MrFill
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I agree, and they still made Cena win, thats pathetic. I don't think it will be Dusty, they will have it as a suprise with no-one who has been mentioned for a while to take it, and Dusty was the main one to be looking to get the job on Raw, so I don't think it's him.
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After the pathetic excuse for entertainment of last weeks Raw the Hoffmeister was back to watching Raw via his sky +.

 

I watched this weeks raw in 7 minutes. I watched Candice Michelle in Vinces locker room and a bit of Mickie James and Trish talking.

 

I am all for diva segments but even I admit the Candice Michelle segment was bad, but there is bigger problems in WWE. HHH vs Big Show, I predicted the ending before the match started.

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After the pathetic excuse for entertainment of last weeks Raw the Hoffmeister was back to watching Raw via his sky +.

 

I watched this weeks raw in 7 minutes. I watched Candice Michelle in Vinces locker room and a bit of Mickie James and Trish talking.

 

I am all for diva segments but even I admit the Candice Michelle segment was bad, but there is bigger problems in WWE. HHH vs Big Show, I predicted the ending before the match started.

They fought each other?

 

Damn you must be getting some uber RAW program, cause in mine it was Kane vs HHH and Big Show vs HBK.

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Why do WWE have to keep shoving Cena down our throats with this overcoming the odds crap each and every week?. :?

 

The ending to the HBK Vs Show match was quite funny, but it was so obvious what would happen in the Kane Vs HHH match. Good promo by Matt Striker as well.

 

Because they're trying to turn him into a hip hop Steve Austin. Cept he doesnt have half the talent or charisma of Austin. But you try telling Vince that.....:evil

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We start with a recap of last weeks The Vince McMahon Show designed to stroke his own ego and get him over as the top babyface, a few weeks after he tried to get himself over as the top heel. Screw Hogan vs. Austin, YOUR Wrestlemania main event is Vince McMahon vs. Vince McMahon.

 

So yes indeed, we start with the WWE’s top heel/babyface and we have problems with the mic to start, which I don’t think is a coincidence. Vince mentions bait and switch (kayfabe, damn you) and says Bischoff will stay fired, which means he’ll be back before Wrestlemania. Funny how the fans respect Shane more than Stephanie, simply because Shane falls off high places. Vince says there will be an interview process tonight as I imagine Dusty being all ‘Mr. MacMan, I wood do aneethin to bee Raw GeeM. ANEETHIN. Maybee der iz some way I can convince ya.’ Vince puts himself over some more and announces the Elimination Chamber qualifying matches.

 

Angle enters and he is pissed. Pissed, I tells ya. Ric F’n Flair enters and he is YOUR former 16 time Champion of the World and YOUR crusader against bad drivers everywhere, taking them down one choke at a time. Flair is all chop happy to start, but Angle is all Olympic Slam happy and he locks in the Ankle Lock. We go to a break as I continue to get freaked out by Angle’s new footwear. We return with Angle grinding the forearm into Flair’s face like a good heel should, before Flair takes him to school (not literally, although that would be hilarious) working on the leg. Angle uses the Ronnie Garvin Hands of Stone to win because I refuse to believe that Kurt Angle would ever cheat. Yeah, match wasn’t bad, but it was nowhere near as good as their Raw match from earlier this year, which was one of the best TV matches of the year. Flair had people buying a Vertical Suplex as a nearfall. A VERTICAL SUPLEX. As much as I still like to watch Ric Flair wrestle, like I have mentioned before he needs to be treated with a lot more respect. They need to start limiting the number of matches he has. Hogan or even Undertaker show up and we’re all supposed to bow down and be thankful that they would grace us with their presence. Ric Flair shows up and he is treated like just another guy. This is RIC FLAIR we’re talking about here. RIC FLAIR.

 

Angle goes for the cheap heat against the troops after the match as I notice that he sweats quite a lot. DAI F’N VARI MOTHERFUDDERS, who spits on some bird man basketball guy type person. DAIVARI really shouldn’t speak in English so much, but then we get Cena who slaps the taste out of his mouth. Damn you to hell, you no good son of a bitch! DAIVARI runs off shouting pleasantries, complimenting Boston on its beautiful women, nightlife and Cena on his heel run in 2003. I also heard him say ‘Jesus Saves’, ‘Say no to drugs’ and ‘Stay in school kids’. DAIVARI: Role Model. Cena goes the pro-troops, pro-America route and you know they’re getting desperate when they’re trying to make him Jim Duggan 2005. Only without the dildo blender, tough guy. HOOOOOOOOOOO. He also mentions that a lot of fans think he sucks, which is a major no no. Sure there is backlash against him, but don’t mention that on TV for crying out loud.

 

We return with Flair backstage and the world’s most boring, stale couple complete with Lita talking like she has a mouthful of marbles. Probably not the only thing she had in her mouth that day. Edge does some crappy worked shoot stuff which a large percentage of the audience wouldn’t even know about. He also refers to Lita as a ‘woman’, which is kinda stretching it.

 

Shelton speaks for longer than 10 seconds for the first time ever and shock horror, he is actually good at it. Who’d a thunk it, WWE? Apparently Michaels is selfish and only cares about himself. I am shocked that Shelton Benjamin would accuse the selfless, company man SHAWN MICHAELS of something like that. Shocked indeed.

 

We return with a video of Cena promoting his rap album as I am once again reminded of a certain song, by a certain group of rednecks from West Texas.

 

We get Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin 12089, with Carlito leading 12089-0. Carlito enters being all cool and Benjamin grabs the hair which really should be a crime punishable by being flogged by piss covered barbed wire and having to watch The Best of Triple H 2002-2005 on a loop for eternity. My God, the horror. Shelton is all ass kicky to start, but Carlito comes back and works on the back which might actually work against Shelton, seeing as how it never seems to work on Michaels and his Indestructible Back of Iron. ‘Lets go Car-li-to’ chants are attempted by like 3 people, probably because everyone else realised how dumb it was to attempt to start a chant like that with a name that has more than two syllables. Shelton goes for a Stinger Splash (or should that be the Stinger’s Boots, Baseball Bat and Jacket Splash) but it misses. Shelton for whatever reason goes for the apple only to lose, which even Stevie Wonder could see coming. So yeah Benjamin is now 0-12090.

 

TREVOR MOTHERFUNKING MURDOCH MOTHERFUNKERS! Bah, screw you Vince, I want MURDOCH as my ‘Hucklebuck’. That sounds like sexy fun. MURDOCH is all tobacco spitting and old school, before Vince once again puts himself over the roster. He calls MURDOCH an idiot (way to put over your talent there Vince) as I load my rifle and head to Stamford, Connecticut for a McMahon kill spree. MURDOCH would be the greatest authority figure ever and not just because he would be the hotness in a tie with his redneck gear. Candice Michelle with her her frozen, one expression fits all face is in Vince’s office as she adds herself to the huge list of women who have come onto Vince on national TV. She unbuttons her thing, does a crappy fake orgasm and milks that stupid dance again. That’s it Candice, earn that paycheque toots.

 

I see Big Show is back to being Smilin’ Joe Big Show, the baby kissing babyface, a couple weeks after being the nastiest heel in wrestling. They promote Batista/Rey vs. Kane/Show at Armageddon (off this ****ing asteroid…that will never get old) before Michaels enters and is at his middle aged, balding, feminine male stripper, attention seeking, blasphemous best. Michaels does his girly man chops which Show, ever the company man is nice enough to sell. Show bumps to the floor like a lightweight, continuing to defy the laws of the big, fat man. Show kills him (not literally) with a chop and steps on Michaels. Michaels does his usual crappy, comedic selling and then gets his Flying Forearm-kipup thing which is getting as ludicrous as the Hulk Up. Superkick but Show is all ‘That pansy crap ain’t gonna cut it with me bitch’, Chokeslam and we get Trips, so I go take a piss. Coach gives Trips a verbal blowjob on commentary as if chairing Michaels was the smartest thing anyone has ever done. Yawn.

 

Angle is all ‘I need to make a statement’. Heres one you could make Kurt, ‘I quit wrestling’. It is sad to watch a wrestler deteriorate before our eyes. Vince makes Cena vs. DAIVARI as DAIVARI compliments Vince for his part in the Austin feud and says that the XFL was a great idea. Honest. He makes it a blindfold match but Cena ain’t no Jake Roberts, who could make even a blindfold match work. Vince puts himself over some more to the shock of no one.

 

We return with Viscera already in the ring, which tells you just how much chance he has against Masters. Masters’ music starts and you can seriously hear a pin drop in the arena. When will they take the hint with this guy? Nearly a year and he STILL isn’t over. Crowd is just dead during the match, as you can see streams of people go outside to throw themselves off the nearest bridge. I hear Joe and John on the back row talking about their opinions on the ‘Jaffa Cakes: cakes or biscuits?’ debate. Joe says cakes, John says biscuit. I am undecided. The rule is that if you leave a cake out uncovered in the open air it will go hard, a biscuit will go soft. Jaffa Cakes go hard, so they are therefore cakes. But I just refuse to believe that something that small can be referred to as a ‘cake’. I mean, I don’t think that it is a biscuit either. Maybe it’s a bun. How would one define a bun? A small cake perhaps? Therefore a Jaffa Cake could be a bun? But I am still not convinced and this will baffle me for years. Oh yeah, the match, yeah Masters wins. Good job pal and he is now in a WWE Title match in the main event of a PPV. The end is nigh.

 

During the break Trish was all annoyed at Mickie’s antics but Mickie is all perky and adorable. Just kiss dammit and do us all a favour. Mickie puts her foot in it and is all ‘You’re a skankasaurus, you slept with Vince McMahon’. Vince McMahon or CM Punk? You decide. Alexis Laree is the cat’s pyjamas in this role and Trish is great as the disgruntled idol scared to let down her biggest, but most annoying fan. To be honest this whole thing has been one of the few highlights of Raw lately.

 

MATT STRIKER MOTHERFUDDERS! I fell in love with Striker during his Heat promo last week. I mean, I loved his stuff on wwe.com but his promo on Heat was absolutely fantastic. They were chanting ‘Asshole’, he responds with ‘The word is Anus young man. Anus.’ That is glorious. He cuts another great promo here and gets quite good heat for a guy who a lot of the fans have probably never heard speak before. Striker has the charisma, the superb mic skills and is pretty nifty in ring. It is just a shame he is supposedly not well liked backstage. But this promo was the bees knees and was the highlight of Raw this week. I have a new wrestler to add to my list of favourites.

 

Speaking of favourites, HE’S BAAACCKKKKKK! Chris Nowinski with a cameo as I wonder if he is still trying to crack it with Molly Holly. DUSTY RHODES DADDY! He is all funky like a monkey, threatening Vince with the Bionic Elbow but Vince doesn’t want none of that **** right there. Thems be hard times. Bah, damn you, they reduce Dusty to a 10 second cameo. I wanted me some Nowinski-Dusty interaction. Dusty would make a fun GM, I just hope that Vince doesn’t care that the only good thing Dusty Rhodes ever done in his entire career was having Greensboro Coliseum $3 upper balcony seats.

 

I notice during the break that they’re using Spanky’s music for Sky Box Office movies. I don’t like this. Although it is better than hearing The Dudley Boys music in a porno. That was creepy, I started to think about Bubba Ray.

 

MICKIE AND TRISH MOTHERFANUCKERS! Mickie is all jumpy and perky while Trish is all annoyed but trying to cover it up, on commentary. She says Mickie has ‘spunk’. Me too Trish, me too. Mickie wrestling in a skirt remains the greatest thing in the history of the great sport of professional wrestling, but Victoria doesn’t seem to think so as she is all grumpy to start. Mickie fight back and throws more punches than Audley Harrison. Mickie kills her (not literally) with a DDT and Trish is getting highly aggravated at Coach’s prodding. I hope Trish turns heel yesterday, but the only problem is that she will probably be cheered if she did. Ah screw it, kick her in the head Trish.

 

From Trish and Mickie being all jumpy in a skirt to Triple H and we have Trips vs. Kane who have never had a good match together so I don’t have high hopes for this one. We return from the break with his entrance so I go put my head in the oven, which was a barrel of laughs compared with having to watch him these days. Coach goes for the bad joke calling Styles ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin’, but Styles has had more women than Coach has had hot dinners. He worked for years with Francine for crying out loud. Missy Hyatt ring a bell Coach? EVERYONE has slept with Missy Hyatt. They put over the Elimination Chamber on commentary as I recall the crowd farting all over its mention last week. No one gives a flying fork about the Elimination Chamber. Ref bump in a WWE match. What a shocking turn of events. Trips goes for the SLEDGEHAMMER OF MILD DISCOMFORT BUT WHICH SHOULD LEAD TO INSTANT DEATH OF DOOM, but Show shows up, Double Chokeslam of Injury to Batista. 1-2-3. Kane advances as I wonder which of Kane and Triple H is more stale.

 

DAI F’N VARI in the ring and he is looking roided up. Cena finally gets some positive heat, breaking the streak. It only took being in his hometown, praising America and the troops to do it too. Yep, a blindfold match is YOUR Raw main event, as DAIVARI is delighted by developments and is all foot stompingly awesome dodging punches like Ali. Yeah, they do the Roberts thing with Cena pointing. Like I said Cena is no Jake Roberts, but I like it anyway. Anything that gets the crowd involved is ok by me. Cena throws some early 90s Giant Baba punches and locks in the STFU (seriously, the WHAT?). So yeah blind John Cena wins. Why not just chop off all his limbs and give everyone else guns for arms and the power to shoot lasers from their eyes, they might stand a chance. I am all for having your Champion look strong, but this is ridiculous. Cena is simply not strong enough to be booked like Hogan and Austin combined.

 

Loved the Matt Striker stuff. I still like the Mickie James-Trish thing that is going on and plus we got cameo appearances by Dusty, Nowinski and MURDOCH. A couple of the matches were fairly decent, but other than that nothing particularly great. Ah screw it, I’m trying to sound positive here.

 

I have just realised that you could read The Bible quicker than you could read this review.

Edited by Naitch
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