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TWOstars Xtreme TV 35 - October 20th


Christof
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The following program is a post watershed production, it will contain scenes and storylines not suitable for children and some of the content may also be unacceptable to other viewers. This program may also contain strobe lighting effects.

 

'Carve me an Edge' by Fake Ideal starts to play as the XTV opening video plays. Images are displayed throughout the title sequence:

 

Draven Cage locking in the noose

The Judge charging down the ramp, sledgehammer in hand

The Million Dollar Man Chris Eagles counting a fist full of greenbacks

Tom Trash trashcanning another victim

Barry Gower leaving Fill for dead

The Dark Alliance being revealed

Keith Jaxx and Rico oiling TIH

Violent Vinnie Vengeance climbing the cage

PMA with a nutshot

Arkham dressed as Animal

The return of Jordi Warner

The leg drop of doom from Hulkstermark

The Lonely Avenger in striking Green Heels

Mills wearing his new attire

Redman returning

Evil Gringo with his mamacita

Keith Jaxx eating bananas

Darkstar, dressed for business

The Incredible Holt standing over Gringo and Gower, raising his title high above his head

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v357/Andy_Telford/explosionident2ud.gif

 

Last week recap

 

Cole: What the hell? That’s Tom Trash! The original tag team partner of The Incredible Holt tonight

 

The Disciple is staggering down the aisle, obviously worse for wear. His face a purple shade of red, his hair a mess, the classic bandana has slipped and resides around his neck

 

Tazz: Man he looks bad, maybe he shouldn’t have taken that Liquor Mart endorsement

 

Trash continues to stagger down to the ring as the camera cuts back to the ring.

 

Jaxx, bounces off the ropes and hits Holt on the outside with the K-Down. The force of the baseball slide sends Holt into Meltzer who again lies knocked out on the floor outside the ring

 

Cole: It really isn’t his week

 

Trash walks over Holt

 

TT: You all right buddy (shakes Holt’s head), I’ll take care of this

 

Jaxx steadies himself by the ropes and jumps up to the second before springboarding off, but Vengeance has it scouted and drives Jaxx into his knee with a sickening Tilt a Whirl backbreaker

 

Cole: The US champ looked like he was going to hit the Jaxx the Facts but Triple V saw it

 

Tazz: And man, what a sickening impact that was.

 

Vengeance backs himself into the corner, shaking off the effects of the earlier Jaxx attacks to his head when out of no where Trash makes the blind tag

 

Cole: Wait a minute! He’s not part of this match

 

Hebner signals the tag is legal as Trash trips over the second rope, falling flat on his face in the ring

 

Tazz: I guess the ref allowed it because he was originally signed to this match

 

The Disciple gets to his feet and spins around, struggling to come to terms with where he’s at. The crowd jeer, possibly in pity at what their former US champ has become

 

Cole: It looks like losing the US title has hit Tom trash pretty hard

 

Tazz: You’re telling me, it looks like all four wheels have come off the wagon

 

Jaxx gets groggily back to his feet and looks confused to see Tom Trash in the ring, before tapping the former US champ on the shoulder. Trash spins round and misses with possibly the worst aimed punch in TWOstars history, Jaxx goes to kick Trash but in a miracle seemingly impossible in his state of soberness the Disciple manages to catch the leg only for Jaxx to spin....

 

Cole: Jaxx that out! Jaxx that out! This should be it here Tazz

 

Trash slumps to the mat, the Uphill Gardener hooks the leg as the crowd chant

 

 

ONE

 

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

 

THREE!

 

 

Ding Ding Ding

 

Cole: What a victory for Keith Jaxx, twice in two weeks he gets the pin over Tom Trash

 

Wildboys again fills the arena as Jaxx celebrates before scooting out of the ring, eyeing the approaching Vengeance and Holt out of the corner of his eye.

 

TC: Here are your winners, Wildboy Keith Jaxx and Arkham

 

Hebner slides to the outside and raises the arms of Jaxx and Arkham who are joined in a celebratory hug by Warriormark. In the ring Triple V and The Incredible Holt stand over the befallen Tom Trash

 

Tazz: I can’t believe it Cole, Tom Trash should have stayed in the bar, he cost his buddy victory tonight

 

Vengeance leaves the ring, dragging Meltz to his feet and carrying him over his shoulder, bitter disappointment obvious on his face as he makes his way up the ramp

 

King Holt continues to stand over Tom Trash and with a look of disgust, leaves his partner laid out in the ring, making his way, alone up the ramp to the back

 

Instead of whizzing around the arena the camera cuts straight to Darkstar’s office. No pyro. Darkstar is chatting on his cellular, The Incredible Holt is stood over the desk, waiting it seems to find out what is going on

 

DS: So you’re going to show this week

 

Muffled conversation

 

DS: I know you did last week Tom but there is no way you are getting paid for that

 

Irate muffled conversation

 

DS: You know what your contract states Tom, no bullshit ok. Only Acid Christ and Mr Sickness has clauses allowing them to drink whilst performing and you know it

 

The crowd pop at the mention of the first TWOstars World Champ, Acid Christ

 

DS: Tom I really don’t have time for this right now. I’ve got a big announcement to make and you are holding me up.

 

More muffled conversation

 

DS: I tell you what Tom; I’ve booked you some time tonight. We can have our own Trash talking, where you can make your apologies.

 

Darkstar closes the clamshell on the conversation and gets up from behind his desk

 

DS: Right, shall we

 

King Holt nods and follows Darkstar out of the office

 

Cole: Apology?

 

Tazz: Who knows Cole, but one thing is for certain, the boss has a few things to say and I can’t wait!

 

Cut to DTTAH promo

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Back from the DTTAH promo we see the Evil Gringo striding down the corridor with his and Mamacita's bags, the golden couple of TWOStars heading to their dressing room when all of a sudden....

 

Boyo: Um, um... Look at the legs at that one... Maria Sharapova be damned...

 

Boyo steps out of the shadows and winks at Becki before he walks into the wall that is Gringo...

 

EG: Essa... you are in the wrong part of town... you be loco thinking you can even play peep show with my Mamacita...

 

Boyo: Pingu, Pingu, Pingu... I was only paying her compliment... something a real gentleman, nay a real WRESTLER would do... But if I'm not welcome, then I shall leave... But I'll be keeping my eyes on you Mamacita...

 

With this Boyo leaves and Gringo carries onwards muttering some rather unpleasent and unbroadcastable Spanish under his breath....

 

Twiggie: Oi... You... Gringo...

 

EG: Jesus wept Mami, we get to the arena, we are here for dos momentas and already we got people queing up to annoy me... Bad enough I gotta deal with that chico Gower but no th...

 

Gringo is cut off by the advancing form of Twiggie... His dreadlocks still tangled and sticky from Banner's Dr Pepper shower the previous week...

 

Becki: Urrrgghhh... Gringo what the hell is that smell! You been on the fajitas again? Oh... it's Twiggie (mutters under her breath) that explains the odour...

 

Twiggie: Look at what that Brute did to my dreads! And do you think he recycled that can that YOU gave him?!?! No he didn't! Honestly, you try and save the world and what do you get?!?!

 

EG: I think essa in your case blisters and sores and an odour like Buerro pantys....

 

Twiggie: What! Look as I was saying that Brute did this (points to even more tangled mess of dreads then usual) last week because of YOU!

 

EG: Essa, I was giving him a can okay chico? Besides... I heard who your fighting tonight... And I got a question for you hombre...

 

Twiggie: Yeah!

 

EG: How about if the Gringo recycles all of his Dr Pepper cans for the next month... You go out there and pour some Gumbo on that chico Gower's Hammer... Stop it Burning so much...

 

Twiggie: YOU'LL RECYCLE!

 

EG: Yeah... On one condition... You put Gower down uno, dos, tres... Otherwise Twiggie... I'll buy Dolphin filled Tuna and whale meat... you got me essa...

 

Twiggie: You wouldn't!

 

EG: Try me... Now if you excuse me these bags are heavy... And you have a match to get ready for...

 

Twiggie: Yeah, sure sure... You'll really recycle?!?!

 

EG: Yeah, now get out of here....

 

Gringo opens the door to his and Mamacita's room as Twiggie scampers happily down the hallway barefooted... trailing the odd bit of pus as Gringo chuckles to himself and says...

 

EG: Hehehe... yeah that's if you count sticking them up your *BEEP* as recycling hombre....

 

We fade out to the new TWOStars No Mercy preview package....

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Back from Commercial.

 

COLE: I believe Todd Grisham is in the BABYFACE locker room, standing by….

 

We go back stage - and the video footage appears a little grainyish - to see Todd Grisham dressed exactly like…..

 

TG: Actually, Michael tonight it’s…*sighs and looks off camera* Do I have to say this?

 

?: Just say the line, Queer-o before I fisties you in ya belly welly!

 

TG: *sighs* Actually Michael, Tonight I’m Gordon Soliemark right here with Dustymark for an old school type promo…

 

The camera pans to the left to reveal Retromark dressed exactly like Dusty Rhodes - he also appears to have a tongue extension.

 

DM: (With added lisp from ‘Tongue Extension’) That’s right Todd - I’m the man of the hour…..Too sweet to be sour!

 

Cheap pop from the crowd for the Dusty-ism.

 

DM: Ya see Todd, baby, tonight Dustymark isn’t in action and I know the fans want to see Dustymark

 

DM pause for the pop - he gets it.

 

DM: So I thought I’d pleasure them as I pleasure myself with some random ramblings from the American Dream, Baby!

 

Half Cheer from the crowd.

 

DM: In less than two weeks at No Mercy, Myself and Arkham - the big CLUBBERIN’ B*astard - face the biggest challenge - though Arkham faces ‘other’ challenges everyday - of our careers taking on Warner and The Judge and The Dark Alliance in one single match!

 

The crowd pop for the mentions of Judge/Warner but then Boo heavily at the mention of the Dark Alliance.

 

DM: I’ve dined with Kings and Queens and I lived in a barn and eaten beans, so nothing can phase The American Dream!

 

Another Cheap pop for another Dusty-ism.

 

DM: So come No Mercy, Warner, Judge, Dark Alliance….

 

Boos once again for The Dark Alliance.

 

DM: You’d better hope ol’ Dustymark has got his polka dancing pants on, instead of his Bionic Elbow Pads!

 

Fade to black.

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Back from black, we see twiggie standing at the top of the ramp with a band. Twiggie is standing behind a set of tribal drums and a microphone.

 

Cole: Well folks, I'm sorry to say that Twiggie has scheduled some time for his band ...

 

Tazz: Bremstrahung Farad

 

Cole: ... yeah, that. They're going to play. So go walk your dog, or something. this isn't going to be pretty.

 

The band finishes tuning their instruments.

 

Twiggie: this here's a song by the Grateful Dead, but it goes out to a great man. A man who took a strugling musician, and turned him into a superstar. this one's called Dark Star.

 

the fans boo at the name of the owner. The band all look to the bassist, who plays a short mellow line before the entire band kicks in, continuing the mellow theme.

 

Tazz: This is actually pretty good, Cole

 

Minutes pass.

 

Cole: They're still playing the same thing... Twiggie hasn't even started singing. I can't take this.

 

Cut to commercial.

 

Axe body spray ad.

 

Motor oil ad.

 

TWOstars magazine ad.

 

Stacker 2 fat burner ad.

 

No Mercy tease.

 

Back from commercial.

 

The fans have started a "Booooring" chant, which is soon replaced with a " This is Bull$#¡† " chant.

 

Cole: Welcome back folks, you've missed absolutely nothing. They've been playing the same five notes for what seem like an eternity, right Tazz? Tazz? Tazz!

 

Tazz picks his head up from the desk and a piece of paper is stuck to his forehead.

 

Tazz: Huh? Hey, what'd I miss?

 

Cole: Not a thing.

 

Tazz removes the piece of paper and stretches. twiggie leans in to the miocrophone.

 

Cole: I think the song is starting!

 

Twiggie: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark star cra-shes. Pouring its light, into ashes. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeason ta-ters-

 

The lights suddenly go out as do all the instruments, except for Twiggie's drums, which aren't mic'ed. Trying to cover the technical error Twiggie launches happily into a drum solo. The fans erupt as Brett Banner shows up on stage.

 

Cole: The Brute's shown up here, aparantly to put a stop to this torture.

 

Tazz: I thought they were good.

 

Cole: You fell asleep!

 

Tazz: You know in some cultures that's a sign of respect.

 

Cole: ... Forget it.

 

The members of Bremstrahing Farad postition themselves in Banner's path, brandishing their instruments like weapons. Twiggie hops off the stage, and retreats through the crowd.

 

Cole: Twiggie's running away like a scalded dog!

 

Brett rips the instrument from the hands of the gangly bassist and knocks each member off the stage one by one. With bass in hand he then pursues Twiggie, who has a substantial lead, through the crowd.

 

Tazz: Run, Twiggie, run!

 

Cole: Why are you rooting for his cowardice

 

Tazz: It's just smart. Twiggie's got his first main event match tonight. Why would he comprimise that?

 

fade to black.

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DING DING DING

 

CHIMEL: The following contest is scheduled for one fall…

 

TAZZ: What? We don’t have a match scheduled here….

 

CHIMEL: and is for the MWA Heavyweight championship of the world….

 

COLE & TAZZ: MWA Heavyweight Championship?!

 

CHIMEL:…Please welcome first your challenger…Click for theme(midi)

 

CHIMEL:…From Charlotte, North Carolina, Weighing in at 240lbs…He is the MARK WRESTLING ALLIANCE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD….

 

A large black man appears on the stage, with a rather poor attempt at a robe wrapped around him. He appears to have made the robe with a glitter pen and felt tip pens. The MWA belt is even worse - it’s tinfoil wrapped around a cardboard cut out belt with some Maynards Wine gums stuck on it. He struts down the ramp. Woooooo.

 

TAZZ & COLE: MARK WRESTLING ALLIANCE?!

 

CHIMEL:….NATUREBOYMARK!

 

TAZZ: I thought this was going somewhere stupid…..

 

COLE: Get ready fans, because we have an MWA Heavyweight Championship match, coming right up!

 

CHIMEL: And his opponent…

 

<Couldn’t find a theme, but I guess you know where this was heading….>

 

CHIMEL: ….From Austin, Texas, weighing in at 302lbs…

 

CHIMEL: DUSTYMARK!

 

DM struts down the ramp, occasionally sticking out and wiggling his big fat ass, much to the crowds approval.

 

COLE: What an impromptu match we have here! MWA Heavyweight Championship on the line!

 

TAZZ: Cole you mark! I’m sure Darkstar doesn’t recognise that title!

 

COLE: Well it’s on the line here Tazz!

 

DM gets in the ring and immediately locks up with Natureboymark…

 

COLE: This could be a five star classic, Tazz!

 

TAZZ: Have you ever seen Retromark wrestle, Cole?

 

COLE: He’s a helluva athlete!

 

TAZZ: Riiiiiiiight.

 

COLE: Did someone say ‘Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight’? Man I love Keith Jaxx.

 

TAZZ: Just call the freakin’ match!

 

NBM rakes the eyes of DM and the crowd cheer!

 

COLE: Who’s the face and who’s the heel here?!

 

TAZZ: Does it f*cking matter?! This is a disgrace!

 

NBM goes for a right hand, but it’s blocked by Dustymark who hit’s the…

 

 

COLE: BIONIC ELBOW! This one could be over!

 

Dustymark hit’s the ropes…

 

COLE: BIG TIME ELBOW DROP! DUSTYMARK MAKES THE COVER!

 

One

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three!

 

DING DING DING

 

COLE: We have a new MWA Heavyweight Champion!

 

TAZZ: What we’ve just seen is a turd on the face of professional wrestling…

 

All Retromark’s buddies - including Arkham, a black Hulk Hogan, a bearded lady Hulk Hogan, Several midgets, some transvestite strippers, some stray dogs and a man in a penis costume - all hit the ring.

 

TAZZ: What a freak show!

 

COLE: These are Dustymark’s buddies! They want to help him celebrate!

 

Dustymark’s buddies hoist him onto their shoulders as he holds the MWA title aloft!

 

COLE: What a moment in TWO Stars history! What a moment for Retromark!

 

TAZZ: What a joke.

 

We fade to black with the image of Retromark holding the MWA belt high in the air.

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MC: I am hearing news that Keith Jaxx is arriving, Tazz. Quick lets get a camera back there.

 

Tazz: Excited, Cole.

 

MC: Yes, get a camera back there now.

 

We cut back to the parking lot area where we see Keith Jaxx stepping out of a taxi.

 

Tazz: I told you that man is a disgrace to the US Title. I mean REALLY what sort of a champion arrives in a taxi?

 

MC: One like, Keith Jaxx.

 

JM: Keith?

 

Jaxx: Joshy Hunny. Give me two shakes of a tail feather and I will be right with you.

 

Tazz: Two shakes of a what?

 

MC: A tail feather.

 

Jaxx: There you go sugerpuff.

 

Jaxx hands money over to the taxi driver.

 

Jaxx: Now what can Jaxx do for you, babe.

 

Keith Jaxx hits Josh Matthews a slap on the ass, which makes him jump.

 

Jaxx: Sorry am I making you nervous pumpkin?

 

JM: Well actually yes.

 

Jaxx: Do you need a kiss to calm you do?

 

JM: What?, no.

 

Jaxx: Ok so what CAN I do for you?

 

JM: I was wondering what your thoughts were going into tonights match against a former TWO Champion. A match which you have to defend your US Title in.

 

Jaxx: My thoughts about tonight's match. Well babe I was up all last night thinking exactly what I am going to do Mills.

 

JM: And what is that?

 

Tazz: Do we want to know?

 

Jaxx: That my delightful young Joshy you will have to wait and see. Lets just say, Mill is in for the night of is life.

 

Jaxx goes to walk off.

 

JM: Well you heard it here Mills is in for the night of his life folks.

 

Jaxx comes back on screen with his toungue out and grabs the mic of off Matthews.

 

Jaxx: Giddy Giddy Giddy Gi Gi Gi.

 

Xtreme Tv fades to commercials

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Come back from break

 

Chimmel: Laydeez and gentlemen, please be silent for the owner of TWOStars DARKSTAR!

 

The crowd boos as the camera closes in from a distance shot to the entryway. No music plays as DS walks down the ramp agitated, with a mic already in his hand.

 

Cole: The boss looks upset Tazz!

 

Tazz: He's had a lot on his mind recently, especially with the rumours that the Crippler is returning!

 

Darkstar enters the ring and waits for the Boos to die down.

 

DS: Now either there is a 7 foot monster in this building or somone has been damaging the roof backstage!

 

Tazz: 7 foot Monster???! Where Cole?

 

Cole: I think he was being sarcastic.

 

DS: Crippler, I can take your taunts, I can take your jokes, I WILL be taking you on at No Mercy, but criminal damage? Is this really what you have stooped to?

 

The lights go out and the arena's occupants scream!

 

BUH BUM!

 

The titantron flickers in the dark and slowly an image of a monkey's skull is seen.

 

There is a loud crack and The Darkside by SMP offends the crowd's eardrums.

 

Cole: If i'm not mistaken that's Skullmonkey's music?

 

Tazz: You're right and....

 

The sound stops.

 

The titantron flickers

 

YOU

 

 

 

 

ME

 

 

 

 

NO MERCY

 

The light slowly come back up.

 

Cole: The look of sheer anger on Darkstar's face!

 

DS: You don't fool me Crippler! I know it's you! YOU ARE MINE!

 

Darkstar storms off to rapturous boos and dissent.

 

Cole: This opens things up, first we thought it was the Chav, then Crippler, then Deadman and NOW it's Skullmonkey!

 

Tazz: But all the time Darkstar has maintained it is the Crippler.

 

Cole: Someone is playing him good!

 

Tazz: Yeah, just like something HBK would do...

 

Both commentators look at each other after a pause.

 

Cole: We'll be back after these messages.

 

Cut to ad for Gowers Gum: Now in Spearmint flavour. Its a taste to savour!

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Back from the Gower ad. Cameras are at the bottom of a long, thin corridor. At the top, the TWOstars Television Champion, Violent Vinnie Vengeance can be seen thumping his fists into his palms. His Championship Guidance Counsellor, Dave Meltzer, seems to be giving his man a pep talk

 

The cameras begin to follow towards the pair…

 

MELTZ: Vinnie, look, whoever is playing these games doesn’t have the balls to show his, or maybe even her face!

 

 

Suddenly, a figure of a man comes barging past, knocking the camera and cameraman to the floor.

 

?: Wo! SSSSooooory duuuuuuuude!

 

The man drops sketchily down to his belly to stare into the lens of the camera, revealing himself as non other than the former United States Champion, Tom The Disciple Trash. He has also dropped a half empty beer can which begins to create an alcoholic pool on the concrete

 

The cameraman gets to his feet, Trash has his hands on the camera in an attempt to steady it, when he is really the one needing the help

 

MELTZ: Hey! You!

 

The Disciple drowsily turns his head at Meltzer’s beckoning

 

TRASH: Meltz! My maaaan! Big V! How’s (buuuuurrrrp) it going…ing….ing?

 

The Violence Bearer tilts his head in confusion at the actions of the drunken Future member

 

MELTZ: What the hell was that last week, huh!? You got an explanation!?

 

TRASH: (slurring his words) Weeeeellll, you see, last weeeeeek, I was in this bar having a few Trashwi…… Trashwaaa….. Trashweisers and…

 

MELTZ: You cost Holt and Vengeance the match dammit!

 

TRASH: Uh…… yeeeeah. Anyways… Can I hang out with you guys? Darkie and Big Greenie won’t let me in our locker room with my beers…

 

MELTZ: WHAT!?

 

TRASH: Thaaaaanks Daywwwve, I owe you one

 

Trash gives the duo a drunken thumbs up as the paralytic Disciple stumbles off towards the top doors as the champ and Meltzer look on with disbelief

 

Cut to TLA package

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Back from the TLA promo package we cut to the door of The Evil Gringo's dressing room.... Outside about to tell us this same thing is Todd Grisham...

 

TG: We're here outside The Evil Gringo's dressing room after Gringo sent a message saying he had a huge announcement that he wanted to make public right now.... Speculation is abound to what it might be.... Is Becki Pregnant? Is he actually a Fajita salesman.... Is he the mystery opponent for Darkstar? Lets find out....

 

Grish goes to knock on the door but inside finds the door flung open in his face and a beaming 'Mexican Sensation' striding into the corridor as the crowd cheers...

 

EG: Jesus chico you took your time...

 

TG: Sorry Gringo I was just bringing the viewers up to speed...

 

EG: Ah, ah, ah.... They are not viewers Grichico.... They are what essa?

 

TG: Gringoholics

 

EG: Thats right essa... But back to serious business... Tonight I have a huge challenge that I wish to throw down, a match that is so HUGE that even a allgero chico like BuerroStar HAS to book it...

 

TG: So what is it Gringo...

 

EG: Simple hombre... As a result of me and that no good oviendo licking Gower winning our tag match against the Jolly Green chico and BuerroStar we still BOTH have title shots that have to be honoured...

 

TG: This is true...

 

EG: So tonight I issue an open challenge.... Gower... Holt... I DEMAND that you two hombres get in the ring with me at No Mercy and let me kick your sorry little oviendo estomago eating asses all over the ring!

 

TG: Wow! Both of them!?!?

 

EG: You deaf as well as hair style challenged essa? Thats what I said... And one last thing... Holt you big son of *BEEP*... You better bring your title, you better shine it up and you BETTER put it on the line because even if BuerroStar books it or not homes... At No Mercy I will be the fear in the dark... AND ALL YOUR FUTURE HOLDS!

 

With that the crowd cheers and Gringo slams the door firmly shut in the face of Grish...

 

TG: So there you have it.... Gringo wants both Gower and Holt at No Mercy, even if there is no match formally booked he says he will take out one if not both of them... Wow, big news guys... back to you at ringside right after this....

 

We cut to a promotional advert for Trailer Park Trash... The Autobiography of Tom Trash, available on TWOStars Shopzone with new special addition bottle of Jack Daniels!

Edited by Evil Gringo
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Back from the Shopzone advertisement.

 

VVV and Meltz are shown walking back to their locker room

 

MELTZ: Well I guess now we‘ll see if putting Trash to guard the locker room was a good idea or not. Can you believe the lack of class?

 

A sting of unintelligible growls is heard from the current TV champion

 

MELTZ: I mean honestly if you’re going to show to work plastered you should at least……WHAT THE HELL?

 

As they arrive at their locker room the door has been almost entirely smeared with blood. In the middle of the door something that looks like letters are smeared into the shape of NM. Tom Trash lays on the floor in front of the door, passed out with scattered beer cans around him and a half gone bottle of ever clear

 

MELTZER: When I find out who is doing this you’re going to RIP THEM APART!! GET YOUR ASS UP!

 

Trash begins to stir as Vengeance gingerly pulls out a key and opens the door, stepping over a pool of blood, followed closely behind by Meltz. Inside the locker room is a mess. Things have been over-turned, bags scattered, and in the center of the room from a noose on the ceiling hangs the TV title, blood dripping off of it to pool in the center of the room

 

VVV pulls Trash to his feet and delivers a slap to his face that seems to help him regain a small amount of consciousness. Trash opens his eyes and looks to Meltz.

 

TRASH: Alls well sir. No one got past me

 

Trash has to stop between words to keep from throwing up, and his speech is severely slurred.

 

MELTZ: ALLS WELL? HAVE YOU SEEN THE ROOM LATELY?

 

TRASH: Well you got to understand….

 

MELTZ: NO YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND! YOU SCREWED UP BIGTIME! LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED HERE! I ASK YOU DO TO ONE SIMPLE TASK AND YOU SCREW IT UP! SOME PSYCHO IS OUT THERE TRYING TO SCREW WITH TRIPLE V AND YOU’RE PASSED OUT! I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

 

Vengeance, who is now pissed beyond reason, angrily drops Trash and yanks the belt out of the noose, if not a bit hesitantly. Attached to the belt is a note. Meltz grabs the note and reads it aloud as Trash runs off to vomit after seeing the locker room and door

 

MELTZ: No Mercy. No quarter given….WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?

 

(voice over)

 

COLE: Someone is really trying to get to VVV here

 

TAZZ: Well whoever it is has seemingly managed to do it…..

 

Cut to No Mercy Main Event Video Package

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Back from the No Mercy Main Event Video Package and we cut to the announce table.

 

Ding Ding Ding

 

TC: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the Untied States Championship.

 

The arena goes pitch black, then suddenly the words “Diamonds are Forever” are sung by a female voice.

 

TC: Introducing first the challenger from Florida. Michail Mills.

 

The crowd react go mild as Mills steps out.

 

MC: No reaction for the former Champion.

 

Tazz: Do you blame them?

 

A pyro shower starts as a violin and piano accompany the female repeating the same words. A hooded figure emerges from backstage and walks through the pyro shower.

The hooded figure, silhouetted by the pyro, raises his hands in the shape of a diamond. He breaks the diamond across his knee and an all too familiar guitar riff kicks in as the crowd erupts in boos.

 

“Marvelous Me” is now in full swing a Mickhail throws the hood off of his head and struts to the ring. When he gets to the apron, he slides on one knee after hopping up, and the bends over backwards into the ring.

 

“Marvelous Me” cuts off and “Wild Boys” hits the speakers to a LOUD pop from the crowd.

 

TC: And his opponenet from, Rhode Island. He is the Untied States Champion, Keith Jaxx!!!

 

Another pop from the crowd at the mention of the Sausage Jockey.

 

Jaxx comes sprinting out and wastes no time in getting down to the ring.

 

MC: Jaxx wasting no time.

 

Tazz: I hear you like it that way.

 

MC: What’s that supposed to mean?

 

Tazz: Oh nothing.

 

Jaxx hands the referee his United States title to which is then held aloft to the crowd. The refeee then passes the belt to the outside and calls for the bell.

 

Ding Ding Ding

 

MC: And we are underway.

 

Tazz: Underwear. Jeez what are you like. Every time Jaxx is in the ring you are like some love sick puppy.

 

MC: But…

 

Tazz: But nothing, Cole. Call the damn match and try not to get too excited.

 

MC: But..

 

Tazz: See there you go again talking about Jaxx’s backside.

 

MC: I am.

 

Tazz: Shhhh, Call the match.

 

Jaxx lays down on the ground indicating that Mills can go ahead and pin him.

 

MC: Jaxx is laying down for Mills.

 

Tazz: What’s wrong, Jealous?

 

MC: No I am not.

 

Mills looks down at Jaxx and think well ok then and goes to ground just before he lays down on top of Jaxx, the Sneaky Butcher being as sneaky as ever rolls over on to his stomach, which causes the crowd to laugh.

 

MC: Mills is trying to do something else to Jaxx.

 

Tazz: That was Jaxx and you know it.

 

The Pheonimal One gets back up to his feet wasting absolutely NO time. He then looks at Jaxx who also gets back up to his feet. Jaxx begins thrusting his hips to which the crowd respond.

 

Crowd: Alright!!!!

 

MC: Alright.

 

Tazz: There is definitely something wrong with you and this crowd. That Jaxx is a serious weirdo.

 

MC: He’s Great.

 

Tazz: You would know.

 

Mills having had enough runs at The Uphill Gardner only for the US Champ to duck underneath the clothesline attempt and slapping Mill on this ass on the way past. Mills turns around with a disgusted look on his face.

 

Tazz: Mills should have to put up with this. That is sexual harassment.

 

MC: Oh please.

 

Tazz: Please? You mean you want to be harassed by Jaxx?

 

MC: No I meant oh please as in you can’t be serious.

 

Jaxx grabs the top of his trunks and points toward with his right hand.

 

Tazz: Oh my word. Please tell me he is not even considering doing what I think he is.

 

MC: I think he is, Tazz. He is going to pull his trunks down.

 

Jaxx pretends to pull his trunks down, which causes Mills to turn away. Jaxx sneaks up behind Mills and rolls him up with a schoolboy.

 

MC: Jaxx with the schoolboy.

 

Tazz: What he’s Michael Jackson now?

 

One

 

Two

 

Thre…

 

MC: Jaxx nearly had this won.

 

Tazz: That would have been cheap.

 

MC: Not as cheap as Mills winning the World title.

 

Tazz: He won the World Title?

 

MC: Yeah but he lost it right away don’t you remember?

 

Tazz: No, I can’t say it was a very memorable title reign.

 

MC: True.

 

Both men back up on their feet and Mills hits Jaxx with a thumb to the eye much to the displeasure of the crowd.

 

Tazz: Mills should win just for that.

 

MC: But that’s cheating, Tazz. You don’t win things when you cheat.

 

Tazz: I don’t think Eddie would agree with it, but hey.

 

MC: No you break the rules in things you lose.

 

Tazz: Got ya.

 

Having his back turned to Mills, Jaxx has his arms grabbed which allows Mills to hit a Tiger Suplex.

 

MC: Ouch. I don’t think Mills hit that move correctly at all.

 

Tazz: Do you even know what the move was, Cole?

 

MC: Yeah it was a dropkick.

 

Tazz: Are you serious?

 

MC: No I know what it was.

 

Tazz: What was it then?

 

MC: A suplex.

 

Tazz: Yeah but what kind of suplex?

 

MC: A Bad one.

 

Jaxx rolls out of the ring holding his neck.

 

MC: I think Jaxx is seriously hurt there.

 

Tazz: Oh come on he is so faking it.

 

MC: I don’t think he is. That was one UGLY suplex.

 

Tazz: As ugly as you?

 

MC: Uglier.

 

Tazz: Ahh. So you admit you’re ugly.

 

MC: No.

 

The referee goes to the outside to see if Jaxx is ok. Shakes holding his neck says he is good to go.

 

MC: He is ok.

 

Tazz: Told you.

 

Jaxx looks to climb back into the ring but is hit with a baseball slide by Mills, which causes Jaxx to go flying into the guard rail.

 

MC: Damn that’s nasty. I thought Mills was a different man now that he had left Re-Evolution.

 

Tazz: He wants that US Title, Cole.

 

Mills wastes no time and leaves the ring where he grabs Jaxx and rolls him up into the ring. Mills indicates he is going for the 450 that gets a very few amount of cheers in fact if I was a betting man I would say it was his mother.

 

MC: This could be it over, Tazz.

 

Tazz: You may well be right, Cole and that’s not something that happens too often.

 

Mills having ascended to the top rope comes flying off with a 450 straight across the knees of Keith Jaxx.

 

MC: That’s going to leave a mark.

 

A few moments pass before Keith Jaxx gets back up to his feet slowly followed by Mills.

 

MC: What’s he doing out here?

 

Jaxx slaps his own ass before blowing a kiss at Mills. Mills turns away in disgust turning straight into a punch by Eagles who is standing on the apron.

 

MC: What a cheap shot.

 

Tazz: Got to love that man though.

 

The referee having not noticed what has transpired lets the match continue. The Chocbox Invader heads up to the top rope and comes flying off with the ….

 

MC: Jaxx 3000.

 

The crowd explodes.

 

MC: Just listen to the crowd.

 

One

 

Two

 

Three

 

Ding ding ding.

 

TC: Here is your winner and still United States Champion, The Wildboy Keith Jaxx.

 

The crowd pop huge as “Wild boys” hits the speakers.

 

Tazz: I don’t think Jaxx would of won this without Eagles mind you.

 

The camera cuts to a shot of Eagles who is unwrapping the steel chain from around his fist.

 

MC: Eagles used the chain. Stick with us folks we will be right back after this commercial break.

 

Cuts to ad break.

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Back from the ad break, Arkham is seen walking along a corridor with a mop and bucket. The crowd cheer at the sight of the tag champ.

 

Grish runs up to the big man.

 

Todd: Arkham, I see you have a mop and bucket, what are they for?

 

Arkham: I hearded that the crowd exploded, so I was going to clean it ups.

 

Todd: Sorry?

 

Arkham: During Keithy's match, the crowd exploded at the end, so there are bits all over the place.

 

Todd: I think you've got the wrong impression - they exploded with cheers.

 

Arkham: Cheers? Oh, for Keithy, I sees - people like Keithy.

 

Todd: Some more than others.

 

Arkham: So I don't needs these?

 

Todd: No, you don't.

 

Arkham: OK.

 

Arkham hands the mop to Grish, turns and walks off, singing the "Numa Numa" song to himself incredibly loudly and out of tune.

 

Grish looks down at the cleaning equipment with a puzzled look on his face.

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TG: What is that tune?

 

We cut away from Todd and end up in The Million Dollar Corporations Locker Room.

 

Ted: Did you hear, Barry? Gringo has issued an open challenge at No Mercy.

 

Gower: An open Challenge, last time I checked he didn't have the World Title. You know it is all about the World Title. Nothing, nothing is going to stop me in my quest to become the World Champion.

 

Ted: That's right nothing.

 

Ted hits Gower on the chest.

 

Gower: You know there has been talk about me not being ready for it, or I turned up to work drunk when I was in the Extreme Revolution. But Ted you and I know it, that is 100% pure BS.

 

Ted: Damn right it is.

 

Gower: I should of taken that ERE title but everytime I got close something stopped me. Wether it be DQ endings, Triple threat matches with the other person getting pinned. Double Count outs. I have had enough of it. If it means facing both Gringo and Holt at No Mercy then so be it because I bring something to the table that they don't.

 

Ted: What's that?

 

Gower: Well I am glad you asked Ted. I brign the 4 a's to the table. I have the Ability, the Agression, the Attidude and the damn Ambition. NOTHING and I damn well mean NOTHING will stop me as a fufil the destiny of THE FUTURE.

 

Cuts to No Mercy Ad

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Back from the advert and the camera shows the arena.

 

"All Hail Me" by Veruca Salt is playing as Chimmel holds the mic to his mouth.

 

Tony: The next match is scheduled for one fall, already in the ring, weighing in at 241 pounds, he is JORDI WARNER!

 

The crowd goes mild for Warner who raises his arms - slowly his music fades away.

 

Tony: His opponent, weighing in at 320 pounds, he is one half of the Tag Team Champions, he is ARKHAM!!!

 

The crowd begins to cheer as "Insane in the Brain" hits the speakers, the big man walks out onto the staging, he waves at the crowd around the arena and begins his descent towards the ring.

 

Cole: I think this is going to be a very one sided match - Arkham has the size advantage and the crowd are clearly behind him.

 

Tazz: Are the crowd going to come into the ring to help him? No, so what does it matter if they're behind him.

 

Cole: I think it helps him.

 

Arkham gets to the ring, he pulls himself onto the apron using the ropes, stepping into the ring he pulls on them to test their strength. Slowly his music fades away.

 

Tony leaves the ring as the referee checks the two men, he then signals for the time keeper to start the match.

 

The two wrestlers circle and tie up...

 

Cole: Well folks, we have to go to an advert break.

 

Tazz: Good timing, huh?

 

TWOstars goes to an advert break. During the break there's an advert by Bono trying to get you to give money to the hungry people in Africa - well, if ya tink about it, tis for da starvin' children.

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Back from the adverts.

 

Cole: What an exhibition we've seen during the break.

 

Tazz: You can say that again - I must say that I'm impressed with both men here.

 

Arkham slams Warner into the turnbuck with the Straight Jacket - Warner staggers backwards and is caught by the larger man, the crowd cheers loudly as Jordi is flipped up onto Arkham's shoulder - the tag champ looks around before dropping to his knees and hitting the Insanity Unleashed.

 

Cole: This match has to be over now.

 

Tazz: Come on Jordi, kick out of this.

 

Arkham covers his opponent and the referee dives down for the pin.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREE

 

The crowd continues to cheer loudly as Arkham gets up and celebrates.

 

Cole: He did it, after a hard fought match, he did it.

 

Fade to a TT promo.

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Cut to Backstage Area.

 

Arkham is seen walking whilst swinging his arms in the air..

 

AK: Yes! I wins my match! Woooooooo!

 

Arkham does the Ric Flair strut rather badly.

 

Dustymark suddenly runs into the frame and gives Arkham the ‘White guy jumping high five’!

 

DM: We did it, Arkham! We both won our matches!

 

Arkham’s eyes open wide!

 

AK: WOW! You’re Dusty mark ! The MWA Heavyweight Champion!

 

DM smirks rather proudly as a transvestite stripper comes into view, and DM puts his arm around ‘it’.

 

DM: That’s right baby, I’m the man of the hour, too sweet to be sour….

 

Dustmark turns to the camera and whispers….

 

DM: (whispering) I know I used the catchphrase earlier, I just couldn’t think of anymore!

 

Dustymark turns back to Arkham.

 

DM:….and at No Mercy, we will both be men of the hour, when we successfully defend our tag team titles!

 

AK: I’m teaming with Dustymark? I thought I was teaming with R……

 

DM: Shhhhhhhhhhh! No-one’s supposed to know!

 

AK: Ooooooh! Arkham like secrets!

 

DM: Damn right. How about I hook you up with one of these ‘ladies’ who have a little secret of their own?

 

AK: Ummmmm……

 

Arkham’s facial expression suddenly changes

 

AK:….I’m sorry mate - Even I’m not that f*cking stupid.

 

Arkham’s face changes back to his ‘dopey grin’ and he skips off camera singing ‘Wild Boys’.

 

TAZZ: Did Arkham just break kayfabe?

 

COLE: Break a what now?

 

TAZZ: Nevermind.

 

Fade to black.

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Back from the black hole of doom and we cut back to Keith Jaxx's dressing room.

 

(Knock Knock)

 

Jaxx: Come in.

 

The door opens up and Todd Grisham walks in.

 

Jaxx: Alright, Todd hunny, what can The love Machine do for you?

 

TG: I was jsut wonering what it felt like to still be the US Champion after defeating a former Wolrd Heavyweight Champion.

 

JAxx: It feels good, Todd hunny, good.

 

The camera pans down a little and we see Keith fidgiting around in his pocket.

 

TG: You, you aren't...

 

Jaxx: Excuse me. I need to make a phone cal, won't be two shake of a tail feather sweaty.

 

Jaxx dials the number into the phone. A few seconds later the phone is answered.

 

Jaxx: Hey.

 

Phone: ......

 

Jaxx: Alright.

 

Phone: .......

 

Jaxx: Strippers.

 

Phone:.......

 

Jaxx: Woooo, men.

 

Phone: ......

 

Jaxx: Alright, count me in.

 

Jaxx hangs up the phone.

 

Jaxx: Now what was you saying love pie?

 

TG: Did you see Strippers and Women.

 

Jaxx: Heheh, well I suppose I did.

 

TG: Alright.

 

Jaxx: You want to come along?

 

TG: Well I don't know.

 

Jaxx pours out a large vodka into a glass and give it to Todd.

 

Jaxx: Drink that it will make you want to come.

 

Todd drinks the vodka like there is no tommorow.

 

Jaxx: Alright even I can't swallow that good.

 

Jaxx takes the glass off of Todd and sets it back on the table before hooking arms with him and walking off.

 

Jaxx: To the party, he he hee, alriiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhtttt.

 

Cuts to a Wrestlemania Rewind

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Back from the Wrestlemania Rewind to a shot of the ring. Up on the Titantron, Brett Banner's symbol appears:

 

http://img318.imageshack.us/img318/2131/radioactive4sh.gif

 

Serial Thrilla by the Prodigy plays out across the arena and there is a swell of cheers for the imminent arrival of The Brute.

 

Banner steps out onto the entrance ramp, wearing his customary hooded blue and red boxing robe, but this time with the hood down in a more casual manner.

 

As he makes his way to the ring we can see ugly wounds on the back of his shaven head from the vicious attacks he suffered last week.

 

Michael Cole: Brett Banner, of course, was busted open by Twiggie last week on XTV, via a cowardly attack with a glass bottle from behind.

 

Banner's handed a mic by Tony Chimel before he steps up onto the ring apron, and through the ropes into the ring. Serial Thrilla fades out.

 

Brett paces a circle in the ring, soaking in the crowd's reaction before he speaks.

 

Banner: It'll probably come as a surprise to none of you that I'm out here to talk about Twiggie.

 

The Connecticut crowd boo at the mere mention of The Recycler’s name.

 

Banner: Things have been, how shall I put this? Tense between us since he arrived at XTV. He clearly thinks he can play dirty with me and not face any consequences. I’m here to show him differently. First, let’s have a look at what Twiggie’s thrown at me, shall we?

 

Up on the Titantron a video package recapping Twig’s underhanded attacks on Brett shows.

 

Slowly, as if unsheathing a sword, Twiggie removes an aluminium baseball bat from his recycling bin.

 

Twiggie taunts Brett to get to his feet while taking a few practice swings. Brett makes it up, and Twiggie swings.

 

Cole: Banner just barely ducked that baseball bat!

 

The Brutal One rushes up to Twiggie and knees him in the gut, and sets him up for the Side Effect. Twiggie breaks free and responds by ramming the base of the bat into Brett's kidneys, causing him to bend over clutching his side. The ref begins to stir as Twiggie swings the baseball bat like he's playing cricket.

 

CLANG!

 

Cole: Oh my! Twig nearly took his head off with that shot!

 

Twiggie drops the bat and rolls Banner into the ring as the ref blinks hard and rubs his eyes in an attempt to focus them. Twiggie slides in and goes for the pin. The ref drags himself over and slaps the mat.

 

…ONE…

 

…TWO…

 

Cole: NO! Not like this!

 

…THREE!

 

 

Tazz: It's over! Twig's won this one!

 

Cole: Stole it is more like it, and you know Banner's not going to be happy when he comes to.

 

*The video package cuts to another Banner and Twig clash*

 

Banner picks up Twiggie and whips him off towards a car. As he rushes past a hurried man carrying a stack of papers, Twiggie uses his momentum to whip him around and into Banner. The poor man meets with Brett's shoulder before falling to the ground in an explosion of paper. Twiggie jumps onto the distracted Brett, taking him to the ground, and begins to hammer away with punches to his head. He then resorts to picking up pieces of paper and slicing Banner’s face and chest with them.

 

*An MTV style jump cut to another clash between these two men*

 

On the outside Twig snatches up a glass bottle of pale ale and slides silently into the ring. He sneaks up behind the Serial Thrilla and smashes the glass over the back of his head.

 

Cole: Oh, come on! Can’t Twiggie win a match without resorting to cheating!?

 

Twiggie slides out of the ring as his tag team partner Jordi Warner goes for the pin. Mike Keyona doesn’t seem to notice that he’s kneeling in broken glass and a puddle of beer as he counts the pin.

 

ONE…

 

…TWO…

 

…THREE!

 

*Another MTV style jump cut*

 

Twiggie lifts a bin above his head and pours degrading compost into the sun roof of Brett’s limo.

 

Brett: UGH! You nasty ******!

 

The door of the limo opens slightly, but the assembled crowd of hippies push it closed again. Twig continues to pour the fuming mass into the sunroof. Some slops onto the roof and slides off the side of the door. The hippies back off to let it hit the floor. Sensing opportunity the door flies open and Brett flies out of the limo, covered head to toe in compost. He makes his way through the crowd beating on hippies.

 

Twig's handed a bottle which is smashed over Banner's head. A hippy hands Twig a broken VCR. Twiggie takes it and smirks. He leans it on the Brute's head, stands and drops a running elbow onto the VCR.

 

*Cut back to Banner in the ring*

 

The crowd are booing at the video footage they’ve just been shown.

 

Banner: You see? You see what I mean? Aggressive little bugger, isn’t he? Maybe he’s not been here long enough to know what the repercussions of his actions will be. Maybe he’s too stupid or foolhardy to care. But here’s a good illustration for you of how you’ve picked a fight with the wrong guy, Twiggie. Here’s a little history lesson to get you up to speed.

 

Again, the camera pans up to the Titantron for another video recap package.

 

We are shown The Brute’s first appearance, on the very first TWOStars: Xtreme TV.

Banner: See, the key to a great fighter is fire, Josh. A burning need to win and the willingness to do anything, anything at all to meet that goal.

 

*Unlike Twig’s recap vid, Banner’s has the added benefit of music, as his entrance music now kicks in and plays over the slickly edited clips.*

 

We see Banner Gamma Bomb Volcom through the announcers’ table and then put his unconscious body into the Gammalock.

 

We see “The Assassin” Dante Mueller tap out to the Gammalock.

 

We see Volcom standing in the TWOStars ring, being addressed by Banner on the big screen. Banner seizes hold of his neck brace and tears it off. He braces himself against the arm supports of his wheel chair... and then effortlessly stands up.

 

Banner picks up the wheelchair and hurls it off screen to the sound of a tremendous clatter.

 

The lights go off... and three seconds later they are on again.

 

Brett Banner is in the ring, crouched by the turnbuckle, obviously readying himself to deliver a Spear.

 

Michael Cole: Oh my God! It's Brett Banner! Brett Banner's in the ring!

 

Banner connects with a bone crunching Spear to Volcom's gut, and then lays into him with right hand after right hand when they hit the deck.

 

*Another jump cut*

 

An Irish Whip sends Barry Gower shoulder first into the steel steps with a crash, separating the two halves. The Brute takes the left arm of The Future and drags him up to his feet, then swings him round in a circle, back towards the steel steps. A Drop Toehold takes Gower down face first. The metallic thunk as The Future's head bounces off the edge of the steps is sickening

 

We see Gower’s face as a crimson mask, thick syrup-like blood dribbling down.

 

*Another jump cut brings us up to date, with The Brute pounding on Twiggie*

 

Banner: You wanna get hardcore with me, boy? Bats, bottles?! You've grabbed a goddamned tiger by the tail, sparky! You don't know what you've started...

 

 

*Cut back to Banner in the ring*

 

The Conneticut crowd are cheering fiercely, with some piercing whistles and horns mixed in with the usual vocal appreciation. Banner keeps pacing the ring, mic in hand.

 

Banner: I’ll tell you what you’ve started, Twiggie. You’ve started something you can’t finish. You’ve pissed off Brett Banner. The Brute. The Brutal One. You get the prize of seeing how I earned those names. You get to experience my brutality first hand, unleashed.

 

At No Mercy, it’ll be Brett Banner vs Twiggie… in a No DQ match!

 

There’s a massive pop from the audience at this announcement.

 

Banner: I told you this wasn’t over, Twig. No DQs, no countouts, I can use every dirty trick you’ve used on me, and plenty more of my own. There’ll be nowhere for you to run, nowhere for you to hide. And most definitely… No Mercy.

 

Banner drops the mic to the mat with an amplified thud and continues to pace the ring, milking the crowd’s cheers.

 

Tazz: Oh my God, Cole! The PETA Punisher collides with The Brute at No Mercy!

 

Michael Cole: Although he's usually a technical style wrestler, I can't help but think that cold fire we've always seen burning in Brett Banner's eyes will make him right at home in a No DQ match.

 

Tazz: What the hell is a "cold fire", Cole? Anyway, don't count the Twigmeister out of this one - he's the one who brought weapons into the mix in the first place - this is his style of combat we're talking about here.

 

Michael Cole: Certainly yet another reason why No Mercy's going to be unmissable, Tazz. And I think we can safely say the same about the rest of the show! Don't go anywhere!

 

Cut to adverts.

Edited by The Doctor
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Back from Commercials

 

The familiar strains of “You don’t see the signs” hits the PA and the crowd instantly display their dislike

 

Tazz: Oh boy! Business is about to pick up here Cole

 

Tom “The Disciple” Trash makes his way out from the back; Trash can in one hand which he raises to the crowd

 

Cole: It has indeed Tazz and this young man has plenty of explaining to do

 

Tazz: Explaining? No Cole, this will be fifteen minutes of comedy, I love Trash Talkin

 

TC: Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome your host, Tom “The Disciple” Trash

 

The Disciple hurls the Trash can into the ring, Chimmel scurries out of the ring in fear as the former US and Tag Team champ rolls under the bottom rope, Marc B & Blade dies out as Trash gets to his feet rather slowly and faces away from the hard camera.

 

Cole: Could it be that again Tom Trash is struggling with his demons?

 

Trash sets himself to address the crowd but a member of ring crew quickly rushes round the ring to advise the superstar that he is facing the wrong way

 

The Disciple turns and starts waffling away into the mic. Unfortunately nothing can be heard by the crowd or the tv audience. Trash becomes growingly frustrated as the crowd start to laugh at him. His face reddens as anger mixes with the high levels of alcohol allegedly doing the rounds within his blood stream

 

Tazz: I presume this is a technical issue here Cole

 

Cole: Looks like user error to me

 

Trash starts shouting at the crowd, something along the lines of their asses being trash before a frustrated member of the production team comes into the ring, grabs the mic from Trash’s hand, turns it on and hands it back to humiliated member of The Future before making his way out of the ring

 

TT: That’s great, but I’m still not sure its working

 

The ring assistant comes back over to Trash who shows him the mic and then delivers a low blow cheap shot, leaving the assistant rolling on the canvas in agony before shuffling the crew member out with several kicks and one axe handle shot with the microphone which sends the static noise bellowing through the arena

 

TT: My mistake (laughs) seems that it is working after all

 

The crowd boo, not appreciating the antics of The Disciple

 

TT: I’d be pissed off I if were you guys as well, seems you can’t get a beer in this place; I’ve been dry for a whole hour now!

 

The male majority of the audience cheer Trash; something Trash has no idea how to react to the approval

 

TT: I don’t know why you’re laughing; most of you need a few beers to stop your wives looking like Rosanne Barr by the time you get home

 

In an instant Trash turns the crowd back against him

 

TT: Hell, drinking yourself blind seems to be the only way to guarantee yourself a hot broad in this part of town

 

A “Trash Sucks” chant starts to fill the arena

 

TT: You don’t agree? Hell I wish I was back off the wagon in this place. Having clear vision is upsetting me

 

Trash struts around the ring, looking into the crowd, non-selling the crowd’s dislike

 

TT: You see this (points at a “lady” in the crowd), this is what I mean

 

The camera focuses on a rather rotund lady in the front row who is visually disgusted with Trash’s attention

 

TT: This is exactly what I mean. Without beer and liquor there is no chance she’s get any action

 

Cole: Oh please there is no need to treat the young lady like this

 

The crowd member becomes increasingly agitated with Trash

 

Tazz: I dunno Cole, Tom Trash may just have a point here

 

TT: And if they didn’t have an alcohol ban in this damn arena then even I might be able to get wrecked enough to find her attractive

 

The angered audience member attempts to vault the security barrier but instead bundles over in a heap before being thrown back over the barrier by security

 

TT: It’s alright darling, we’ll have a commercial break soon, so please don’t feel you have to take a shortcut just to get to the donut stand

 

Trash laughs to himself as the crowd rip into him. The lady is being led away through the crowd, obviously disgusted at her treatment

 

TT: (laughs) I kill myself sometimes.

 

Tazz: He’s a funny guy Cole

 

Cole: Insulting maybe, the guy has no class

 

Tazz: You can take the man out of the Trailer Park but not the Trailer Park out of the man

 

Cole: Something like that

 

Tazz: Would help explain your obsession with the United States champion at least

 

TT: Now in all honesty I did come out here for a reason. For the last few weeks you may have noticed a few things haven’t quite been right around here. You have undoubtedly noticed that the United States title was stolen from me, that’s right stolen from me!

 

Crowd is a mixture of laughing and “Trash sucks” chants

 

TT: I had that Lone Ranger guy cost me an easy victory as you all saw just a month ago.

 

Cole: Funnily enough that’s not how I remember it

 

Tazz: It’s likely that you remembered it wrong Cole

 

TT: Then last week, everyone saw that faulty ring equipment cost me another victory and gave that friend of Michael Cole’s another victory over me

 

Trash gets frustrated with the crowd not liking his recollection of recent events, steps onto the bottom of the rope and starts berating the audience off the mic, only when security warn off the crowd does The Disciple head back to the centre of the ring and continue his monologue.

 

TT: Now tonight, even though you Beetnicks don’t deserve it, I am going to put a few things right. I’ve had the ring checked out and there seems to be no issues with the ropes this week so I feel I need to get myself a match.

 

Further dissent from the crowd angers Trash who climbs to the second turnbuckle before continuing his spiel

 

TT: Listen up all of you, the reason you are here is to see me, and whilst I am here, I will do as I please, plain and simple. Now I’ve got a match to arrange so I want to call out one man

 

The crowd hushes in anticipation

 

TT: Ladies and Gentlemen, joining me on Trash Talkin, please welcome (pulls some notes from his attire) from Lone Valley, The Lone Ranger!

 

The light goes out of the TWO arena as the intro "Lonely World" by Limp Bizkit starts playing.

 

Tazz: I hope Trash knows what he’s doing; pissing off a man like the Avenger isn’t the best of ideas

 

Cole: Tazz, I’ll tell you know, Tom Trash has no idea what he’s doing, I don’t think he’s in control of his actions currently and showing disrespect to The Lonely Avenger is not what a sensible man would do

A glowing green mask rises from the ground. The Lonely Avenger continues his ascendance, head bowed down, hands crossed over his shoulders, until he arrives to ground level.

The crowd can’t decide who they dislike more so stick to trying to drown out the awful Limp Bizkit drone with their own booing

Few seconds pass before he raises his hands suddenly, green flames growing from both sides as the chorus of Lonely World echoes loudly in the arena.

As his hands go down, the flames die while a green circle of light lights the entrance.

The Masked Truth walks to the ring and slides in from the bottom rope towards the centre of the ring. TLA ignores Tom Trash and takes his place in the centre of the ring.

He stands there while slowly raising his hands, to brutally lower them once they are up. green flames explode from all four turnbuckles. Trash jumps in shock as the lights come back to the TWO arena and the music fades away

 

TT: You may want to calm down there Mr Human Torch, as my match last week proved, some of this ring equipment is faulty and you setting it on fire ain’t helping us

 

Cole: Oh please! Tom Trash lost the match last week because he was drunk!

 

Tazz: That’s a dangerous allegation there Cole, he tripped, simple as

 

Trash hands The Avenger a house mic and continues strutting around the ring

 

TT: Now Lonely, that is your name right? I wanted to chat to you about a few issues we’ve been having the last couple of weeks.

 

The crowd buzzes, anticipating a face off

 

TT: A month ago you cost me a match against some training punk and you got my attention. Then you decided to carry on setting fire to stuff and you got my attention. Now you’re standing here in my ring wearing what looks like a children’s party mask and you’ve got my attention. So I put it to you, what the hell do you want?

 

Trash retreats to the ropes

 

TLA: Tom Trash, Tom “The Disciple” Trash, you are nothing but a disgrace to this business. In this lonely world you bring shame to Xtreme TV, you bring shame to this arena and you brought shame to the United States championship.

 

Trash looks bemused at The Masked Hypnotizer’s tirade

 

TLA: Since I have arrived in TWOstars I have seen that you are a soul eating away at the core of this federation. At No Mercy I was meant to lift TWOstars, I, The Lonely Avenger had a date with destiny. That destiny was your United States title

 

The Disciple shrugs his shoulders at the Avenger still bemused

 

TLA: The green bowels of hell had proclaimed that The Lonely Avenger would take TWOstars into a new light

 

The crowd shows their dismay; a slow “BORING” chant starts to grow

 

TLA: At No Mercy it was meant to be my night, MY NIGHT Tom Trash, but you, you were too incompetent to even hold onto that title for long enough for me to take it away. You got pinned by that Male stripper guy that has a problem ending his words

 

The crowd starts to laugh at Trash, who reacts in his usual manner by stomping around the ring, climbing the ropes and berating the crowd

 

TLA: Tom Trash you are the very source of incompetence in this lonely world that I desired to put to rest at No Mercy, now in two weeks time, I demand your return clause for a United States title shot

 

The arena descends to a hush in anticipation of The Disciple’s answer

 

TT: Look Hurricane, I gotta ask you one thing (poses) What’s up wid dat? (crowd laughs) Now surely you understand that you will be losing at No Mercy, surely you can get this message to THE GREEN BOWELS OF HELL that Tom trash is back and at No mercy your ass will be Trash. So have no fear, I’ll put my title shot on the line.

 

Tazz: Waow! That’s big Cole

 

Cole: Indeed it is Tazz, if Tom Trash loses; he’ll lose his United States rematch

 

TT: No for tonight I want you to see first hand what you’ll have to content with when I kick your ass at No Mercy

 

The Lonely Avenger remains routed to the spot in the ring, not biting at all, no matter what Tom trash throws at him

 

Tazz: Tom Trash vs The Lonely Avenger live tonight! I can’t wait Cole

 

TT: But before we get this shindig under way I need to speak to a couple more people, so Ranger, you just hold tight as I introduce my next guests

 

The Masked Truth takes a step back, no expression owing to his mask as Trash once again takes centre stage

 

TT: Ladies and Gentlemen, my next guest, please welcome Violent Vinnie Vengeance and his championship consultant Dave Mouthwash!

 

"Violence Fetish" – Disturbed blares out over the PA system as Triple V storms out down the ramp, dragging the TV title with him as an irate Meltzer follows in tow

 

Tazz: Man Vinnie looks pissed

 

Cole: Did Tom Trash just call Dave Meltzer, Dave Mouthwash

 

Tazz: I don’t think so Cole, they just sound similar

 

Trash backs away as Vengeance gets into the ring and hurls the television title to the canvas before being pulled away from the former United States champion by Meltzer who pushes in front and gets into Trash’s face himself

Violent Fetish dies out as Trash recoils, putting the mike to his mouth, allowing the rantings of the internet genius to be heard across the PA system before pulling back

 

TT: SHUT THE HELL UP MOUTHWASH! I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE AN INTERNET GENIUS YOUR BREATH STINKS

 

Meltzer goes a deep shade of purple and swings for Trash, but Triple V grabs his fist and pulls him back

 

TT: Thank you Vinnie, that’s much appreciated, woah there big man back off a little

 

Vengeance picks up where his consultant left off, towering over The Disciple who cocks his head to look up and shows his inner coward to the crowd by cowering

 

TT: Look big man, back off a little, I brought you out here tonight because I wanted to apologise to you

 

The Violence Bearer raises an eyebrow and then takes a couple of paces back, he spreads his arms to encourage Trash to continue, much to the annoyance of Da Meltz

 

TT: Last week, last week I got pinned

 

The crowd get back on Trash’s case, nothing like a whiny heel

 

TT: Last week, that ring malfunction cost us the match, Jaxx had what was coming to him but I lost my bearing after that incident and got caught out

 

DM: YOU LOST YOUR BEARING AT THE BOTTOM OF A BOTTLE OF JIM BEAM YOU PIECE OF TRAILER PARK SCUM

 

This time Vengeance holds Trash back from striking Meltzer, instead ushering his consultant out of the way much to Da Meltz’s frustration

 

Triple V turns back to face Trash, eager to hear more from The Disciple

 

TT: Look Vinnie, I know I dropped the ball, after the ring failed I should have got back to my game quicker

 

Cole: Oh please! Where does Tom Trash get off claiming this ring equipment failure line?

 

Tazz: Maybe we should give him the benefit of the doubt Cole

 

Cole: Benefit of the doubt, give Tom Trash an inch and he takes a mile, simple as that Tazz, there is not one honest bone in his body

 

TT: So tonight, I’ve managed to get Darkstar to book us into a match together, that’s right, you, me and The Lone Ranger over there so that I can prove to you that Tom Trash is back in business

 

Meltz is protesting but Vengeance again quietens his consultant

 

TT: So without further ado let’s bring out my final guest

 

For the second time “You don’t see the signs” fills the arena before the well known figure of The Incredible Holt makes his way down the ramp without his usual pyrotechnics, the World Heavyweight Championship belt firmly clasped around his waist as he wastes no time and strides into the ring to stand aside his Future stable mate.

 

Marc B and Blade dies out and Trash turns to face the champ

 

TT: Big man (slaps the gold), I owe you an apology as well buddy. I haven’t been very focused recently and I feel that may have let the side down, so tonight, Big Greenie, I want to make it up to you.

 

The Disciple takes a few more steps back and addresses all four men in the ring

 

TT: In fact tonight I’ve got a surprise for all three of you, because tonight is the return of the original Tom Trash, tonight Uncle Billy Joe has got in contact with my man Darkstar and got me the match I asked for.

 

Cole: Have you got any idea what Tom Trash is possibly on about?

 

Tazz: No idea and never have Cole, I prefer it that way!

 

TT: Tonight we are going to have ourselves a bit of a tag team match that will prove to all of you that Tom Trash is back where he belongs in TWOstars and is a force to be reckoned with.

 

Trash wanders over to TIH before address The Lonely Avenger

 

TT: Tonight will also put an end to that Network Idiot interfering in The Future’s business.

 

Cole: Interfering! Akten keeps this insane asylum afloat most of the time! That loading area was a real war zone before the twelve amendment of the PMA Network Rulebook

 

Tazz: Quiet Cole, if Akten is going to be shut up then I want to know about it.

 

TT: That’s right you non alcohol, fat chick loving Beetnicks, tonight, Darkstar has signed a match that will place Tom “The Disciple” Trash, The Lone Ranger, Violent Vinnie Vengeance, accompanied of course by the man with a face for radio, Dave Meltzer and not forgetting The TWOSTARS WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, The Incredible Holt going against whatever team Akten can put together in the next thirty minutes in a Survivor Series Elimination match

 

The crowd pops for the huge announcement

 

Tazz: 8 man elimination! That’s huge Cole!

 

Cole: It is indeed Tazz! But who will Philip Akten be able to find at such short notice

 

Tazz: Well a 4 on 1 would be quite satisfying to see, four men intent on kicking his ass.

 

TT: So gentlemen, I hope you are all happy, because tonight a message will be sent out to the TWOstars locker room.

 

Trash throws the mic to one side and leaves the ring, The Incredible Holt in tow. The Lonely Avenger looks confused, having assumed he was getting a piece of Trash tonight.

 

Tazz: Just huge Cole, I can’t believe it

 

Cole: That’s right folks 8 man elimination action later in the hour and it’s going to be

 

Graphic shows the four men just announced versus PMA and three question marked wrestlers

 

Tazz: Off the hook Cole, Off the hook and that’s my line

 

Vengeance is last to leave the ring, Meltzer clearly agitated about something

 

Cut to TWOstars the Music ad

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Back from music ad.

 

The crowds cheer as they see themselves on the TWOTron. The cameras focus on a sign that reads ‘V3 for President: of Iraq’ eventually the camera comes to the announcers table.

 

MC: Welcome back to ringside, next up we have what could be a classic encounter! The returning, the amazing, the ‘Untouchable’ Slim Jim takes on the monster of the Dark Alliance ‘Sickness’.

 

Tazz: I’ll tell ya one thing Cole, this match will be off the hook. Sickness is willing to put his body on the line to get what he wants, and Slim Jim pretty much lives in the air.

 

MC: That’s more than true Tazz. I have to say that I favour Slim Jim in tonight’s match.

 

Tazz: Like the rest of the teenage girls do Cole?

 

MC: Yea….HEY!

 

Tazz: Sometimes it’s just too easy Cole, just too easy!

 

Tony Chimmel: Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, at a weight of 230 pounds, he is one half of the Dark Alliance . He is Sickneeeeeeeees!

 

The arena lights go out only to be replaced by an ultraviolet spread. The words ‘Dark Alliance’ appear on the TWOTron in gothic style lettering as ‘Down with the Sickness’ starts to play.

Sickness and Boyo walk out onto the metal ramp as the lyrics kick in. Sickness as per usual is wearing his denim shorts and tattered (and bloodstained) white T Shirt. This week the master of style Boyo is dressed in a suit that made Trinny and Susanna weak at the knees. The dark material perfectly accentuated by a delicate silver tie. As the main body of fans boo the cocky duo Sickness grins while swigging from a bottle of what appears to be whiskey. Boyo on the other hand just ignores the fans and walks over to the announcer’s desk.

 

MC: Oh God, not again!

 

Sickness slides into the ring and starts swigging from the bottle again.

 

Boyo: Hello Mr T old man, how are you this fine night?

 

Tazz: It’s been lonely until you got here Mr Boyo.

 

MC: I’m just not going to bother.

 

Tazz and Boyo: Good.

 

‘Down with the Sickness’ stops to play and the lights go back to normal. However very quickly the lights drop again and green spotlights start to do figure eights over the crowd. Smoke gets out around the entrance ramp as ‘Superstar’ by Saliva start to blast out across the arena.

 

TC: And his opponent, weighing in tonight at 227 pounds, the Untouchable Sliiiim Jiiiim!

 

Slim runs out from backstage and quickly heads towards the ring, knocking hands with the fans on the way.

 

Boyo: Why are the fans cheering this man? Look at them, on their feet for a spot monkey like Slim Jim!

 

MC: So what’s Sickness?

 

Boyo: Listen up you pathetic attempt at humanity, Sickness is more man they you are. Hell he’s more man than you and your last three boyfriends combined. Sickness could out wrestle Gringo, Sickness HAS out hardcored Draven Cage, Sickness can take more punishment than HBK, Sickness WILL out fly Slim Jim tonight. That my effeminate piece of crap is a fact!

 

Tazz: Cole, be nice!

 

In the ring Sickness and Slim Jim are slowly circling each other as ‘Superstar’ fades out. As the bell rings to start the contest the two men lunge in and lock up in a collar and elbow tie up. Almost before the two men are fully locked up Slim arm drags Sickness over to the ground before locking in a deep figure four arm bar. Sickness immediately twists his body on the floor until the pressure on his shoulder dissipates. While The Slimster keeps his grip Sickness kips up to his feet and immediately reverses the move and gets Slim Jim into a side wristlock, then to a hammerlock.

 

MC: Sickness with a beautiful piece of reversal and chain wrestling here.

 

In the ring Slim puts his right arm around the head of Sickness and falls to his ass, performing an effective jawbreaker on the Sick One. As Sickness staggers backwards grasping his jaw The Slimster quickly gets up and turns to face the Dark Alliance monster with fire in his eyes. A quick boot to the stomach doubles over Sickness, one SlimDDT later and the Sick One is laid out on the floor.

 

Tazz: WOW! Its not often we see Sickness down so early in a match Mr Boyo, is it possible he has underestimated Slim Jim?

 

Boyo: If you think that Mr T then you have a surprise coming. Sickness knows what he is doing.

 

Slim quickly leaps to the top turnbuckle and without turning to face Sickness he leaps off from the top in a picture perfect moonsault……..except for the landing where Sickness has his knees up to crush the torso of the Indy Legend. As Slim writhes in agony on the canvas Sickness slowly gets to his feet laughing.

 

MC: I can’t believe Sickness is laughing at the pain he has caused to Slim!

 

Boyo: Cole, you do realise that the point of wrestling is to win, and to do that you need to hurt your foe!? Odd as that may seem, you don’t often see a boxer concerned about the pain he’s inflicting on his opponent! IN fact, laughing is a brilliant technique for taunting an opponent and making them angry enough to make mistakes. And you know something Cole, that’s one of the best things about Mr Sickness there, he doesn’t get mad. Oh no, he just enjoys to fight and he laughs at what you all say about him. Mr Sickness doesn’t care if you boo him, he doesn’t care if you cheer him. Mr Sickness only cares that you see him and fear what he can do. Remember this man beat the World Heavyweight Champion and never even tried to follow it up for the belt. Pingu may be the fear in the Dark, but Sickness is the Shadow in the Dark, Sickness is that shape that haunts you while you lay there. Sickness is the ordinary man who freaks out and becomes the serial killer. One thing not one of you seems to realise is that Sickness is more than any of you by being less!

 

Sickness lifts Slim up to a vertical base and throws his arm around the neck of the Slimster before popping his hips and slamming him over in a picture perfect snap suplex. As Slim impacts with the floor Sickness quickly rolls up and over the prone man, ending up sat over his chest. Immediately Sickness starts to land punches to the forehead of the Indy Legend.

As the referee starts a 5 count Sickness looks up disappointed, but stands up from the prone body of the Untouchable One.

 

Tazz: Why the hell has that referee made Sickness get up?

 

Boyo: I have no idea Mr T, he was doing nothing wrong.

 

MC: Maybe the closed fist had something to do with it?

 

Boyo: I guess its just one of those things we will never know.

 

As Sickness lounges in the corner Slim unsteadily gets up to his feet. As Slim turns around Sickness grabs the Slimster into a Rock Bottom position and quickly drops to his knees with a jaw shattering Bareback! Laughing Sickness walks to the ropes and gestures to the crowd that the match is won.

 

MC: Sickness turning his back on Slim Jim is NOT a good idea! As a former wrestler you must agree with that Tazz?

 

Tazz: Yeah, normally I would agree Cole, but Sickness knows what he’s doing man.

 

MC: He best be quickly ready then!

 

As the announcers are talking Slim gets to his feet behind the Dark Alliance monster. Still smirking Sickness turns around as slim leaps up and catches the Sick One in a HUGE hurricanrana making the live crowd explode in cheers.

 

Boyo: This isn’t in the plan!

 

Slim Jim lifts Sickness to his feet and whips him to the ropes. As he returns The Sick One ducks a Slim Jim clothesline, manages to turn on the spot and aim a clothesline of his own at the Slimster who manages to avoid the counter attack and reverse it into a go behind. From the reverse position Slim Jim manages to get Sickness into a Full Nelson.

 

MC: Slim Jim taking a page out of the playbook of Sickness here.

 

Tazz: Sickness is a master of the Full Nelson, he can hit so many moves from this position it almost deifies belief.

 

Slim Jim snaps over, dragging Sickness in a Dragon Suplex and bridging for a pin. The referee drops down and starts the count.

 

ONE

 

 

 

MC: Could this be it?

 

 

 

TWO

 

 

Boyo: KICK OUT SICKNESS!!!!!

 

 

THR……kickout by Sickness as the fans gasp in disappointment.

 

Boyo: YES!!

 

Slim slaps the floor in annoyance as the referee informs him that Sickness managed to kick out. As the two grapplers get to their feet (Sickness much more groggily than before) and face each other the fans start a sudden burst of applause. Slim Jim smiles and nods to the cheering crowd, but Sickness just stands on the spot, head down with an evil looking grin on his face. As the cheers die down once again the two men start to circle each other, an obvious respect between the two of them now. Suddenly Sickness lunges forwards and manages to whip around the back of Slim Jim, locking him around the waist. A sudden reversal by the Living Legend puts him behind the Dark Alliance monster who attempts a back elbow that is easily ducked by the Slimster, leaving both men back in the same position.

 

MC: The man known as ‘the man, the Myth’ in a definite advantage here.

 

Suddenly Slim Jim leaps up onto the shoulders of Sickness before spinning around and whipping him over into a pinning positions.

 

 

ONE

 

 

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

 

Th…kickout

 

Both men quickly get up to their feet and turn to face each other. Again Slim Jim manages to duck a Sickness lunge and get behind the Sick One.

 

Boyo: Slim Jim trying to be behind more than Cole at a Keith Jaxx appreciation society!

 

Sickness drops to the ground and rolls backwards and snares Slim with his legs before dragging him over into a pin.

 

ONE

 

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

THR…Slim Jim manages to roll over and reverse the pin onto Sickness,

 

 

ONE

 

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

 

THR…Sickness reverses back.

 

 

ONE

 

 

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

 

THRE…..Slim for the second time rolls and reverses the pin onto the Dark Alliance monster.

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

THR….Sickness kicks out and breaks the pinning cycle. Again as both men get to their feet there is a round of applause.

 

MC: Both men trying now for a quick pin.

 

Sickness manages to hit a punch to the torso of Slim Jim. A second to the Slimsters temple takes him down.

 

Boyo: OK Mr T, it’s been fun however I think its time for a bit of guidance for Mr Sickness.

 

As Boyo leaves the announce table Sickness lifts up Slim Jim and quickly whips the London native into the corner.

 

Tazz: Look Cole, Its time for a Diamond Dust!

 

MC: A move popularised by Masato Tanaka.

 

Boyo motions to Sickness to the corner. The Sick One climbs the turnbuckle behind Slim Jim and grins at Boyo. Suddenly Sickness flips over, dragging Slim Jim over into a Diamond Dust!

 

Tazz: It’s over Cole! No one can kick out of the Diamond Dust!!!!!

 

Sickness goes for the pin.

 

 

 

ONE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THRE………..Sickness pulls the shoulders of Slim Jim off the mat to a HUGE boo!

 

MC: My God, just beat the man for Gods sake!

 

Sickness drags the limp Slim Jim to his feet and nods at Boyo.

 

MC: What now from the Dark Alliance?

 

Sickness pulls back a hand before thrusting it forward and into the face of Slim Jim. Sickness screams in delight as Slim Jim thrashes around from the pain of the Mandible Claw.

 

Tazz: Sickness calls it the Bad Times.

 

MC: Whatever it is, Slim Jim is fading fast!

 

As Slim Jim stops thrashing about the referee leans in to check the Untouchable one before signalling for the bell!

 

TC: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match by submission, Siiiiickneeeeeeeeees!!

 

As ‘Down with the Sickness’ plays Sickness lifts up Slim Jim and Irish Whips him into the corner before he indicates for Boyo to pass up the bottle of whiskey.

 

MC: OK, we saw this last week! For Gods sake go to commercials, I repeat will you go to comm……

 

 

Break to Dont try this at home advert.

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Back from the ad break and the Dark Alliance are sat backstage in a suite decorated in pastal colours. Boyo sits smirking at the nervous looking Joey Styles. Sickness on the other hand is sat dismembering a Barbie Doll.

 

JS: Welcome back to everyone at home. I'm sat here with the Dark Alliance and belive me after what I saw before the break I wish I wasnt!

 

Boyo: Mr Styles, the Instantlyforgettable One Slim Jim wanted to make a name for himself as he returned. He asked for a match with Sickness and the predictable happened.

 

JS: Just to recap for the people at home who missed your........actions on Slim Jim I think one of us should tell the.

 

Boyo: Go ahead Mr Styles, I will leave you that pleasure.

 

JS: PLEASURE!! Sickness

 

Boyo: Thats MR Sickness if you please.

 

JS: Mr Sickness hit a Diamond Dust and drove the limp body of Slim Jim onto a broken bottle. And then as if that wasnt enough YOU Mr Boyo kept the EMTs at bay while Sickness......

 

Boyo: Ahem.

 

JS: .....Mr Sickness hit a SECOND Diamond Dust! My God, the state of Slims chest is unbeliveable. He may never wrestle again!

 

Boyo: Mr Sickness, put down Barbie and come over here.

 

As Sickness approaches Boyo gets a shard of glass out of his pocket.

 

Boyo: This is one of the bits of glass dug out of the broken body of Slim Jim, Mr Sickness if you please?

 

Sickness takes the shard of glass from Boyo and in one smooth motion pulls it across his forehead, blood immediatly starts to flow down his face.

 

Boyo: You see Mr Styles its only pain. maybe one day the rest of the ropster will understand that you just cannot make a name at the expense of the Dark Alliance. Now run along and interview Crippler if you can find him. theres a good chap.

 

The camera cuts to ringside. Glass can still be seen in the ring as road crew desperatly try to clean it up.

 

MC: We will have more on the condition of Slim Jim next week.

 

Cut to 'Best of HBK' DVD offer.

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Back from Best of HBK DVD offer

 

The face of TWOstars.com, Steve Romero is leading a camera through the backstage area before stopping at a door.

 

SR: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been summoned by Network Representative, Philip Martin Akten.

 

Romero knocks and the luscious Victoria Ramsden opens the door

 

Akten has his back to the camera, perched on the edge of his desk; viewing his stunning 60 inch Plasma TV as a physician attends to him

 

VR: Phil, Mr Romero is here to see you

 

The Entertainment Saviour turns and winches in pain

 

PMA: Steve, hey buddy, I want you to come on in here

 

Romero trudges into the room, the cameraman following. We get a front on shot of Akten who is clearly in pain, the physician evidently unhappy with the movement of the former TV champ’s left arm

 

SR: You called for me Mr Akten

 

PMA: I sure did, ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuw, Steve. Please don’t call me Mr Akten, call me Phil

 

Akten looks down at the physician who solemnly shakes his head to the disappointment of the Network Rep

 

PMA: Now Steve, I saw earlier tonight on my huge TV, wouldn’t you say it’s a huge TV?

 

Romero and camera both point to the TV, for some reason its on Australian Ladies Aerobics

 

SR: It certainly is sir

 

PMA: I saw earlier on that TV a huge announcement, a great announcement in fact. An eight man elimination tag team match set up by Tom Trash to prove to the world that he is not the new George Best

 

SR: George who?

 

PMA: Football Steve, or should I say Soccer over here

 

SR: Right

 

Further wincing from Akten as the physician starts to strap up his arm

 

PMA: So anyway, I loved the idea and I mean finding guys who want to beat Tom Trash is easier than shooting fish in a barrel. (Akten laughs to himself) In fact I was getting my team together when I saw some young fans round in the loading area looking for autographs. Being the handsome and much loved Network Representative that I am, I though I’d go and sign a few things for the guys and also warn them about the perils of the loading area

 

Akten stands up, allowing the physician to carry on his work by lifting his arm, in great pain

 

PMA: Well DAMN that was a mistake wasn’t it!

 

SR: How so sir?

 

PMA: It’s Phil, anyway. It turns out these fans were Incredible Holt fans, one kid even had his face painted badly to look like Grotbags just like The Incredible Holt does. Before I could do anything they were all grunting, staring at me and all replicating the World Champs lovely bodily odours

 

The Entertainment Saviour makes a funny gesture with his nose before continuing

 

PMA: It seems they weren’t too happy with the new Network rule book, especially my rules banning their hero from sacrificing more than one virgin a month. Before I knew it they had me locked in a damn ARMBAR!

 

SR: An Armbar?

 

PMA: That’s right a damn ARMBAR! ARMBAR, Item Number Three on my list of guidelines. I mean how dare they! Who the hell do they think they are, they think my rules are funny?

 

SR: No sir

 

PMA: That’s what I thought.

 

Akten calms down as Ramsden comes to his side and caresses him on the cheek

 

PMA: Well its bad news for them because it means I have delay the ass kicking I am going to hand to their hero by a week

 

SR: A week?

 

PMA: That’s right Steve; those little *******s with their damn ARMBAR have just taken me out of this match under doctor’s orders.

 

The crowd can be heard with a disappointed yearn

 

PMA: But next week, I’ll be good to go as will my team and no son of a gun with a damn ARMBAR will be stopping me

 

Akten gets up and leaves with Ramsden in tow before turning back to the camera

 

PMA: Next week, Darkstar, next week I’ll end your little game

 

Akten exits the room

 

Cut to DTTAH promo

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Fade in on Tazz and Cole at ringside.

We can see the obligatory fans waving at the camera and pretending to engage in conversation with Tazz and Cole. One particular fan, however, is blocking his and many of the faces around him with a sign that reads:

Twiggie is a fool

And

Gower is a tool

 

Cole: Are you ready for the main event, Tazz?

 

Tazz: Ho yeah. This is gonna be a real rocket busta! I spoke with Twiggie the other day and he feels confident of his victory.

 

Cole: Really? Is he planning on cheating again?

 

Tazz: No, he just thought he was a 20-foot tall dragon, with diamond scales and a gold crown. So Barry Gower wouldn't serve as much of a challenge would he?

 

Cole: What!? What was he smoking?

 

Tazz: Peyote…

 

Cole: Huh?

 

Tazz: Hm?

 

Cole: No, you said something.

 

Tazz shakes his head slowly as the house lights cut out and the arena is bathed in psychedelic swirls.

 

http://img449.imageshack.us/img449/4392/twiggie11aa5so.jpg

 

is displayed in close ups and as a whole across the TWOtron. Jungle Boy

recorded by Twiggie's very own band: Bremstrahung Farad is pumped through the speakers of the arena. Twiggie appears at the top of the ramp wheeling a large recycling bin behind him. He shouts various things to the fans while waving his free arm. They shout back obscenities.

 

TC: Weighing in tonight at 196 pounds. He is the PETA Punisher. He is the

Recycling One. He is … Twwwwwwwwwiggie!

 

He reaches out and snatches up a sign from a fan along the ramp. It reads:

“Twig for mayor” and shouts at them.

 

Twiggie: You're not helping the cause, you know!

 

He makes his way around the side of the ring. Leaving his bin at the base of

the steps he slides under the bottom rope. Hopping up to his feet he bounces for a moment and spins in circles. Twiggie dances like a fool until his music fades away. He then snaps back to reality, and looks about slightly confused before he remembers what's going on.

 

"Ride the Lightning" by Metallica hits the speakers and the crowd begins to boo.

Twiggie makes a disgusted look and holds his ears.

 

Tony Chimmel: And his opponent. At an impressive 285 pounds. The Future of the Business. The Master of Pain. Baryyyy Goooweeeer!

 

MC: Can you believe Twiggie has the nerve to insult someone else's music?

 

Tazz: What I can't believe is that you're siding with Gower.

 

MC: That has nothing to do with it. I'm just not siding with Twiggie.

 

Gower walks out through the curtain drawing in the crowd reaction. The Future begins his descent towards the ring, ignoring the audience's booing and jeering as he continues on his journey. Seeing Twig's disgust he air guitars a quick riff before smashing his imaginary guitar, and draws a “$” in the air.

 

Cole: I think Barry could teach Twiggie a thing or two about music.

 

BG gets to ringside, where he skips from side to side to some more loud boo's

from the crowd.

 

Gower jumps up onto the ring apron, which cause a loud pyro to shoot off from the entranceway.

 

Cole: AAAH!

 

Gower steps through the middle ropes as his music fades out.

 

Tazz: You okay there, Cole?

 

Cole: It's just… the pyro.

 

Tazz: What, are you Jerry Lawler all of a sudden?

 

Cole: It's called Ligyrophobia: An aversion to loud noises. Would you make fun of a guy in a wheelchair, too Tazz?

 

Tazz: I would if he was you.

 

The two go to lock up, but Twiggie drops down and Gower slams into the mat with a drop toe hold.

 

Tazz: You could say that Barry's got the power, but Twig certainly has the speed advantage.

 

Twiggie hops to his feet, and nails Gower's head with his elbow. Barry is

knocked from his knees back to his stomach. Twiggie then bends Barry's legs

back, and positions them under his arms. Leaning forward Twiggie grabs Gower's arms and lifts him off the mat.

 

http://www.highspots.com/arena/moves/dictionary_campana_0000.jpg

 

Tazz: Campana! I didn't know Twiggie was that well versed.

 

Cole: He probably saw it flipping through the channels at 3 AM between joints.

 

Twiggie swings Barry back and forth, but he's too heavy and Twig soon drops him. With Barry of the ground Twiggie kicks him over onto his back, and steps across his face.

 

Cole: Spinning foot scrape. Twig could be prepping Gower to “Stash the Gumbo.”

 

Tazz: Wait, can we get a replay? And close up on it too.

 

The split screen shows Barry reacting violently disgusted as Twig drops down and begins to “Stash the Gumbo”. Close up, the replay shows that a rather large wart on Twiggie's big toe brushing across Barry's nose.

 

Tazz: That's nasty.

 

Cole: Then why did you want to see it again?

 

Tazz: Because I want to truly appreciate Twig's moves, like that one. ZOOM IN, WOULD YA!?

 

The cameraman obeys Tazz's orders and the close up shows Twiggie wiggling his black feet in to every orifice he can. Gower is thrashing his legs and free arm about trying to free himself from the dreaded armbar. Suddenly, with his free arm Gower hits Twig with a suspiciously low shot to the midsection. Twiggie rolls away, holding his “midsection” while The Future rolls to the outside of the ring. Brian Hebner questions Barry as to the location of the blow. Gower adamantly contends the shot was legal, but can't seem to wipe his nose clean of Twiggie residue. Taking advantage of this Twiggie runs towards the ropes and springboards off.

 

Cole: Flying head scissors! Twiggie's in complete control!

 

Tazz: I told ya, man. Speed vs Power.

 

Referee Brian starts a count out.

 

ONE

 

Twiggie points at a lone Twig mark with a sign that reads: “I want a compost

heap”

 

Twiggie: You know, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the

problem!

 

TWO

 

Twiggie struts over to Barry, who suckers him with a thumb to the eye. He reels back, before Gower throws him with a northern Irish whip at the ring steps. Twiggie trips a few feet from the steps and he crashes headfirst.

 

THREE

 

The steps break apart and the top flies into the barricade. Gower picks up

Twig, positions his chin, and nails him with a right hook.

 

FOUR

 

He then hits Twiggie with a knife-edge chop, before sending him into the ring. Now in the ring, Gower lifts Twiggie up to his feet and sends him bouncing off the ropes.

 

Tazz: OH! Tilt-a-whirl Backbreaker! Gower's now well in control of this

match.

 

Twig makes it up to his knees, but before he can stand up his head is hooked

under Barry's shoulder.

 

Cole: DDT! Barry's not giving Twig a moment to rest.

 

Feeling more confident now, Barry lets Twiggie make it to his feet before closing in and lifting Twiggie up onto his shoulders.

 

Tazz: The Master of Pain, showing us how he got that name with a big

torture rack.

 

Twiggie flops about like a rag doll, but also hollers in pain.

 

Cole: Referee Brian Hebner is making sure Twiggie's still with us.

 

Brian is convinced that Twig can continue and backs off. In a show of power,

Gower pumps Twiggie in the air a few times before tossing him up and stepping forward. Twig kicks and claws at nothing as he falls through the air. He lands awkwardly on his side.

 

Cole: What disrespect from Barry.

 

Tazz: Is he okay? Twig's not moving.

 

Twiggie begins to stir, and rolls over to his stomach. Barry gives a smug grin

to the crowd as he brings Twiggie to his feet. Twig is soon back on the ground courtesy of a neck-breaker. The Future of the Business grabs Twiggie's legs. Twig scrambles towards the ropes and grabs on for dear life. Brian Hebner counts off for Barry to break the hold.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

Tazz: I don't get it, that's not even a submission hold.

 

THREE

 

Gower steps in and locks his arms around The Recycler's waist.

 

Cole: It looks more like he's going for-

 

FOUR

 

Tazz: Wheelbarrow suplex!! Oh, and a beautiful one too.

 

Twig lies all but motionless on the mat. Gower draws a “$” to the crowd who

erupt I a chorus of boos. He picks up the limp body of Twiggie and puts him

back in the torture rack.

 

Tazz: Hmmm, a lack of innovation from a man that claims to be “the Future of the Business”

 

Twig's torso in wrenched about for a moment longer before

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barry tosses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twiggie's legs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

over his own head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And drops down to the mat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tazz: BURNING HAMMER!! BURNING HAMMER!!! This one is ove- what the hell!?

 

The fan with the anti Twiggie/Gower sign leaps over the barricade and hops

across the announcer's table.

 

Cole: It's Gringo! What's he doing out here?

 

Tazz: He's Evil Gringo, you know damn well he does what ever he wants.

 

Gringo hops up onto the apron.

 

Gower: get the **** out of my ring, or I will beat the life out of you!

 

Gringo: No mamas wei!

 

Gringo hops off the apron as Gower swings for Gringo's head. Barry then leans

over the top rope and continues to scream. Barry starts to climb out of the

ring, but referee Brian Hebner stops him. Gower pushes him back, and continues to talk trash to Evil Gringo. Gringo shouts back in quick foul-sounding Spanish. The Spanish announcers sit back enjoying the break Gringo is giving them. Twiggie stirs.

 

Gower: What the hell are you doing out here anyway!?

 

Gringo: I came to see you, mericon cabron, get tu culo handed to you.

 

Gower: That's not happening! This smelly pothead is down for good!

 

Gringo: You don't know what you're in for, idiota.

 

Twiggie crawls behind Gower and rolls him up with a schoolboy. Gower has the most shocked expression on his face as he falls to the mat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

ONE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gringo jumps up onto the apron and taunts Barry as he struggles to break the

pin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE

 

 

Twiggie rolls off and lies on his back exhausted and battered as Gringo steps

through the ropes.

 

Cole: I can't believe it! Twiggie just stole another win!

 

Tazz: That's just like you Cole! He won that completely without cheating, and you still can't give him credit!

 

Cole: You think he would've won if Gringo didn't come out here?

 

Tazz: Ahhhh… shut up.

 

Gower hops up, but is met with a kick to the stomach. Gringo sets up Barry for a double underhook Canadian backbreaker, which he then flips into a double arm sitout driver.

 

Tazz: Skull Burner!

 

Cole: But what is Gringo even doing out here?

 

Tazz: He's got a match against Gower at No Mercy. He wants to ensure that

Gower's not 100%.

 

Gringo helps Twiggie up to his feet. Twiggie responds very thankfully, and

touches his thumb to his index finger, while putting them to his lips. He looks

at Gringo questioningly.

 

Cole: What's Twiggie doing?

 

Tazz: I'll tell you when you're older.

 

Gringo seems to be into whatever it is that Twiggie is offering, and they move

towards the ropes.

 

Tazz: Well, it looks like Gringo and Twiggie have some sort of alliance.

 

Suddenly, Gringo spins Twiggie around and lets loose with a flurry of kicks.

Twig reels back into the ropes, and hangs from them in a dazed fashion, falling down to one knee.

 

Gringo climbs the turnbuckles. He smirks and nods as the fans scream with

approval. As Twig steps away from the ropes, Gringo hops of with a shooting

star press.

 

Cole: Well Tazz, your theory went out the window with the Death Star Press!

…But wait, that's an illegal move.

 

Tazz: Yeah, but only if used in a match. I think we've gone over this before,

didn't we?

 

Gringo leaves the injured Twig, and because discretion is a better part of

Twig's valiance, and cowardice is a better part of his discretion, he rolls out

of the ring. Gringo stomps away at Barry Gower who's regaining consciousness.

He's beating Barry so intensely that he doesn't notice

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the fan's explosion of boos.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A much larger problem is striding powerfully down the aisle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tazz: Here comes the champ!

 

Cole: What's going on? Why is King Holt out here?

 

As the Green Destroyer, with the belt strapped to his waist, steps over the

ropes Gringo finally notices his presence. The Mexicutioner rushes up to meet

Big Greenie. King Holt blocks Gringo's attempt at a punch and delivers with a

big haymaker. Gringo rolls back across the ring as Gower rises to take on the

champ. After taking a few blows Holt authoritatively grabs Barry in a front

suplex. He then switches it into an F5.

 

Cole: Incrediplex! Incrediplex!

 

Barry hits the ground and lays there motionless. Holt admires his handiwork

with a pleased grunt. Gringo however is up and springboards off the ropes to

nail forearm into Holt's head. He stumbles with the impact, but stays on his

feet.

 

Cole: Holt just took the MAA, unscathed!

 

TIH picks up Gringo as he's running towards him and slams him down on his head.

 

Tazz: IncreDDT! Gringo's not getting' up after that one!

 

Tazz is indeed right and Gringo rolls out of harms way and into the corner.

Twiggie, however, thinks that this is a good time to prove himself. He climbs

up the apron and up the turnbuckle. He soars off the top and grabs the Silent Destroyer's head for a bulldog.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cole: Wow!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tazz: I don't believe it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twig hangs from Holt's neck, which stands unmoved. Twig's face turns to horror as The Champ slams Twiggie down onto his knee.

 

Cole: Wow! That incredible knee went halfway up Twig's backside!

 

Tazz: You liked that, didn't you?

 

Cole: What was he thinking? Twiggie can't hang with the likes of Holt!

 

With all men on the ground The Incredible Holt finally removes his belt. He

proudly raises it above his head as The Evil Gringo, Barry Gower, and Twiggie

writhe in pain at his feet. The fans boo and shout at the display from their

champion.

 

Cole: It looks like The Incredible Holt has just accepted the challenge laid

down for No Mercy, what will this mean for Gower and Gringo? Tune in next week to find out.

 

Cut to five minutes into an all-new Fear Factor. We immediately see a woman with bleach-blonde hair shoving insect-filled goat intestine down her throat.

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