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Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Nicole is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of hers Jess. So everyone please put your hands together for Nicole!

Jerry: Okay, now Nicole you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other persons name?

You: Draven.

The crowd SQUEALS with delight.

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Draven, is actually here tonight -

The crowd SQUEALS.

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Nicole, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Colin!

You: What the HELL!!!

Out of nowhere you pull out a Whip. Colin reaches for the Pool Table. Out of the shadows Hosgood appears.

Hosgood: Wait everybody wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Colin.

Colin: Because I saw Nicole and Hosgood making out at Droitwich!

The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.

Hosgood: That's a lie! I was home watching Raw!

Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Colin?

Colin: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Jess who has recently become engaged to Hosgood.

The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Jess out here because Nicole had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Draven that's right!

Jess: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Draven! You know I'm how I feel about Draven!.

Hosgood: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Draven!

Jess: Because I knew that I could never have Draven. But Nicole promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Hosgood: What about respect for MY feelings!

Colin walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Jess.

Colin: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

Again the crowd SQUEALS.

Hosgood: Oh my God! Are you SICK!

Hosgood runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.

Hosgood: Nicole take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...

The crowd does its bit.

Hosgood: Married?

You nod.

Hosgood: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Draven.

Jess: (screaming) WHAT!!!

Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?

Draven: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 10 times if that's what you mean.

The crowd squeals.

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Nicole is married to Draven who Jess has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Jess has recently become engaged to Hosgood who was recently spotted kissing Nicole in the Droitwich. Now on top of this Colin has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Jess.

Draven: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.

Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

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Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Jess is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of hers AV. So everyone please put your hands together for Jess!

Jerry: Okay, now Jess you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other persons name?

You: Mark.

The crowd SQUEALS with delight.

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Mark, is actually here tonight -

The crowd SQUEALS.

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Jess, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Tony!

You: What the HELL!!!

Out of nowhere you pull out a Keyboard. Tony reaches for the Couch. Out of the shadows Kam appears.

Kam: Wait everybody wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Tony.

Tony: Because I saw Jess and Kam making out at The Bike-Sheds!

The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.

Kam: That's a lie! I was home watching Sesame Street!

Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Tony?

Tony: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with AV who has recently become engaged to Kam.

The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring AV out here because Jess had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Mark that's right!

AV: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Mark! You know I'm how I feel about Mark!.

Kam: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Mark!

AV: Because I knew that I could never have Mark. But Jess promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Kam: What about respect for MY feelings!

Tony walks suddenly across the stage, embracing AV.

Tony: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

Again the crowd SQUEALS.

Kam: Oh my God! Are you SICK!

Kam runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.

Kam: Jess take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...

The crowd does its bit.

Kam: Married?

You nod.

Kam: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Mark.

AV: (screaming) WHAT!!!

Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?

Mark: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 376282 times if that's what you mean.

The crowd squeals.

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Jess is married to Mark who AV has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now AV has recently become engaged to Kam who was recently spotted kissing Jess in the The Bike-Sheds. Now on top of this Tony has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with AV.

Mark: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.

Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

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Guest Perfection

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Pete Richards is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his Sparky. So everyone please put your hands together for Pete Richards!

Jerry: Okay, now Pete Richards you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other persons name?

You: Misty.

The crowd SQUEALS with delight.

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Misty, is actually here tonight -

The crowd SQUEALS.

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Pete Richards, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Jess!

You: What the HELL!!!

Out of nowhere you pull out a Double Ender. Jess reaches for the Sofa. Out of the shadows Chyna appears.

Chyna: Wait everybody wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Jess.

Jess: Because I saw Pete Richards and Chyna making out at Cabbageville, New York!

The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.

Chyna: That's a lie! I was home watching Hardcore Fishing!

Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Jess?

Jess: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Sparky who has recently become engaged to Chyna.

The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Sparky out here because Pete Richards had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Misty that's right!

Sparky: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Misty! You know I'm how I feel about Misty!.

Chyna: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Misty!

Sparky: Because I knew that I could never have Misty. But Pete Richards promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Chyna: What about respect for MY feelings!

Jess walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Sparky.

Jess: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

Again the crowd SQUEALS.

Chyna: Oh my God! Are you SICK!

Chyna runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.

Chyna: Pete Richards take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...

The crowd does its bit.

Chyna: Married?

You nod.

Chyna: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Misty.

Sparky: (screaming) WHAT!!!

Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?

Misty: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 69 times if that's what you mean.

The crowd squeals.

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Pete Richards is married to Misty who Sparky has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Sparky has recently become engaged to Chyna who was recently spotted kissing Pete Richards in the Cabbageville, New York. Now on top of this Jess has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Sparky.

Misty: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.

Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

 

 

:lol

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it wasnt funny no. funny doesnt mean the same as entertaining ya know perf.

 

i said it was abit entertaining, i could read it once thinking yea ok cool.

but when u keep doin it, just with a couple of words changed, nah doesnt do muich then..just gets boring.

Edited by Vampiro
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Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Miss.T is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of hers Anna. So everyone please put your hands together for Miss.T!

Jerry: Okay, now Miss.T you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other persons name?

You: Russ.

The crowd SQUEALS with delight.

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Russ, is actually here tonight -

The crowd SQUEALS.

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Miss.T, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Draven!

You: What the HELL!!!

Out of nowhere you pull out a Dildo. Draven reaches for the Bed. Out of the shadows Perfy appears.

Perfy: Wait everybody wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Draven.

Draven: Because I saw Miss.T and Perfy making out at Moon!

The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.

Perfy: That's a lie! I was home watching G-A-Y TV!

Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Draven?

Draven: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Anna who has recently become engaged to Perfy.

The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Anna out here because Miss.T had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Russ that's right!

Anna: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Russ! You know I'm how I feel about Russ!.

Perfy: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Russ!

Anna: Because I knew that I could never have Russ. But Miss.T promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Perfy: What about respect for MY feelings!

Draven walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Anna.

Draven: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

Again the crowd SQUEALS.

Perfy: Oh my God! Are you SICK!

Perfy runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.

Perfy: Miss.T take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...

The crowd does its bit.

Perfy: Married?

You nod.

Perfy: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Russ.

Anna: (screaming) WHAT!!!

Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?

Russ: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 99999999999 times if that's what you mean.

The crowd squeals.

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Miss.T is married to Russ who Anna has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Anna has recently become engaged to Perfy who was recently spotted kissing Miss.T in the Moon. Now on top of this Draven has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Anna.

Russ: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.

Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

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Guest GarethW

I was just messing about really :D I like using it though :xyx Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! GW is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his Pope John Paul. So everyone please put your hands together for GW!

Jerry: Okay, now GW you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other persons name?

You: Courtney Cox Arquette.

The crowd SQUEALS with delight.

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Courtney Cox Arquette, is actually here tonight -

The crowd SQUEALS.

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you GW, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... David Arquette!

You: What the HELL!!!

Out of nowhere you pull out a jock strap. David Arquette reaches for the foot-rest. Out of the shadows Queen Mother appears.

Queen Mother: Wait everybody wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here David Arquette.

David Arquette: Because I saw GW and Queen Mother making out at Cloud 9!

The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.

Queen Mother: That's a lie! I was home watching Smallville!!

Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem David Arquette?

David Arquette: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Pope John Paul who has recently become engaged to Queen Mother.

The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Pope John Paul out here because GW had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Courtney Cox Arquette that's right!

Pope John Paul: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Courtney Cox Arquette! You know I'm how I feel about Courtney Cox Arquette!.

Queen Mother: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Courtney Cox Arquette!

Pope John Paul: Because I knew that I could never have Courtney Cox Arquette. But GW promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Queen Mother: What about respect for MY feelings!

David Arquette walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Pope John Paul.

David Arquette: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

Again the crowd SQUEALS.

Queen Mother: Oh my God! Are you SICK!

Queen Mother runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.

Queen Mother: GW take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...

The crowd does its bit.

Queen Mother: Married?

You nod.

Queen Mother: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Courtney Cox Arquette.

Pope John Paul: (screaming) WHAT!!!

Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?

Courtney Cox Arquette: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 times if that's what you mean.

The crowd squeals.

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... GW is married to Courtney Cox Arquette who Pope John Paul has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Pope John Paul has recently become engaged to Queen Mother who was recently spotted kissing GW in the Cloud 9. Now on top of this David Arquette has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Pope John Paul.

Courtney Cox Arquette: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.

Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

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