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*** Official Raw Thread - 22nd November ***


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Whose The Next General Manager?

NOV. 22, 2004

 

Under Maven's one-day reign as General Manager, RAW saw new World Tag Team Champions crowned and almost saw a new World Heavyweight Champion crowned as well.

 

Triple H escaped from his match with Maven with his belt still strapped around his waist, but can he survive another week with another bitter enemy running the show?

 

And which enemy will be in charge? Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho and Randy Orton still await their shot at being RAW's General Manager.

 

Also, William Regal and Eugene are the new World Tag Team Champions. Now that their chocolate milk-filled celebration is over, who will be gunning for them on RAW?

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by Justin Shapiro

 

Upon getting his head shaved and his hair turned gray, Todd Martin booked himself a well-deserved week-long vacation, leaving Monday Night Raw in *my* hands. You'd better believe I'll be making a bunch of babes wrestle wearing nothing but their scantily-clads.

 

Date: 11/22/04 from Tatanka Buffalo, NY.

 

The Big News: Triple H is a total genius and better than everyone.

 

Title Changes: None.

 

Turns: Batista turned babyface.

 

Turns: Ha ha, psyche! I fooled you, dawg.

 

Match Results: Gene Snitsky beat Maven; Chris Jericho beat Batista (DQ); Rhyno beat Jonathan Coachman; Women's Title: Trish Stratus beat Molly Holly & Lita; Shelton Benjamin, Eugene & William Regal beat Christian & La Resistance; (Steel) Cage Match: Raw GM Chris Benoit beat Edge

 

 

Show Analysis:

 

We open in a locker room, a la you know what. Shelton Benjamin is approached by Trish Stratus, wearing only a towel and a noseguard. She comes onto him but gets rebuffed. Trish starts to de-towel in protest, but "What the hell is going on here?" Mr. McMahon is aghast. "It's ... a woman in a towel. This is unconscionable. This is scandalous. I can see the moral fabric of America disintegrating right before my very eyes. The sexual overtones ... the racial overtones!" Shelton: "Excuse me?"

 

"Shelton, you may not realize this, but you're an African-American. Everybody knows that African-Americans are attracted to Candian white women with broken noses. I'm sorry, the FCC is not going to tolerate this. And neither will I. This is the WWE! This is not the NFL, and damn sure is not the NBA. Because it's this kind of sexual titillation that will send you and other professional wrestlers up into the stands to attack the audience! And if that were to happen, that would be the downfall of civilization as we know it." Shelton: "You know what? You really need to lighten up."

 

Off he goes, leaving Vince alone with Trish. "You think he bought it?" There goes the towel. The Monday Night Football theme plays as she leaps into his arms. Vince moans in the disturbing Mister Mack Daddy voice. They try to make out, but can't because of the noseguard. Vince turns to the camera: "Are you ready for SOME WRESTLING?"

 

Oh my. A scathing sendup from VKM, our greatest social satirist. Way to stick it to the stuffed suits. Vince as the purveyor of personal liberties and freedom of expression comes off to me as kind of sanctimonious, but it was still pretty funny. I just can't believe Vince said "professional wrestlers" and it wasn't preceded by the words "don't call them."

 

{Opening}

 

Chris Benoit steps out on top of the ramp to announce that it's his turn as general manager. He says he didn't want to deal with all the politickery, so he hung a piece of paper outside his door and let everyone pick their own matches. And what a horrible idea that was, as first up is Maven vs. Gene Snitsky. Second-of-ly, Batista wants Jericho, Lovely Lita wants Molly and Trish and will get them in a triple threat, and Poor Pathetic Jonathan Coachman wants an actual match with J.R. Benoit points out the cage hanging above the ring and says it's to keep all the interference out of his world title match with Triple H. That crafty The Game has his work cut out for him this week. Maybe he'll trick Eugene into helping him. Maybe he'll put bananas in all the referees' car tailpipes so they can't show up tonight. Maybe he'll fly out of the cage! That's what I would do if I was booked in a cage match against the Rabid Wolverine. And could fly.

 

Let us take you back to Snitsky costing Maven his match against HHH. Let us take you back to Snitsky killing Sam McCall's baby. Very sad.

 

GENE SNITSKY (w/ messed up eye) vs. MAVEN (w/ lack of pants)

Yay. Snitsky knocks Maven off the apron twice when he tries to enter the ring, but Maven guillotines him across the top rope to get in, then clotheslines him over the top rope. The closeup of Snitsky's eye is gross, if you can believe that. It matches his back acne or should I say bacne. Maven throws some bad punches. Snitsky throws some bad everything. Him getting a job on the main roster is like a real life Eugene. Second rope bulldog by Maven gets 2. Pumphandle powerslam by Snitsky gets 3. Well, so much for main event Maven.

 

And a tough break for Snitsky too, as Dave jettisoning all those Worst Of categories in the WON Awards is going to rob him of a ton of hard-earned hardware. I'm sad to see them go, because while nobody really has Wrestler of the Year credentials anymore, this is one of the deepest years ever for the negative categories. We're talking about a year when WWE gave significant pushes to Kenzo Suzuki, John Heidenreich, and Gene Snitsky in a span of THREE MONTHS. Now their accomplishments are going to go unrecognized and it hardly seems fair. If we must part with all of the dubious achievement awards, couldn't they at least be streamlined into one all-encompassing category? Thusly, I am suggesting the establishment of the Sid Eudy/Nathan Jones Shittiest Guy Award. Just as Best Babyface and Heel changed with the times to become Best Box Office Draw, so too can Reader's Personal Least Favorite Most Embarrassing Worst Wrestler On Interviews become, simply, the Shittiest Guy. And there's no shortage of candidates.

 

{commercials}

 

Raw Magazine has the inside scoop on Trish and Lita's feud, as well as DVD reviews by A-Train.

 

Evolution is backstage. Triple H is none too happy about having the decked stacked against him, but I'm sure he'll be fine. Batista tells him that he's got his back, but Hunter says that Batista didn't get the job done at Survivor Series and he didn't get the job done last week against Maven. He continues to chew him out and bets $100 that he loses his match against Chris Jericho. BetUS.com! One hundred percent-cent-cent-cent!

 

Stacy Keibler shoots t-shirts into the crowd, then takes an ECW DVD out of her pants -- really -- and offers it up. Before anyone gets a free DVD + extreme vaginal discharge, Simon Dean interrupts. According to him, ECW stands for Eating Causes Weightgain, and shills his Simon System DVD. He hits on Stacy, but she shoots him down like he was a t-shirt. Simon gets in her face and threatens her (darker shades of White Goodman), but the save is made by Chris Chetti! Actually the Hurricane. Simon, in the ring with two remarkably thin people for once, warns Hurricane that he has an amateur background, then cheapshots him. Hurricane backdrops out of front facelock, but Simon stops him with a low (carb) blow. He takes a weightbelt out of his gym bag and whips Hurricane, though it doesn't make the sweet, sweet flesh-tearing sound effect. Rosey makes the save, as the pupil has become the teacher. Stacy's music plays, however. Viscera -- who probably only has a job again so he can do the natural program with Simon -- is conspicuous by his fat absence. J.R. says "thanks a lot, Bodydonnas."

 

Backstage, two random babes discuss the heated Batista/HHH confrontation. I know one of them was Melina Perez, but I didn't recognize the other. I don't think she's a diva search finalist, because there's none left except Shelton's New Sister From The Rough Upbringing (more on that later) AND TWINS. But I watch CSI so I know how to process evidence. Flair called her Candice, I google Candice + WWE + diva search, I get Candice Michelle, who apparently appeared on Raw with Carmella prior to the contest. Well then. They're totally going to get over. WWE TV apparently aspires to be a Girls Gone Wild informercial. Anyway, Flair and Batista walk past, with Flair trying unsuccessfully to calm him down. He's OUT OF CONTROL.

 

Next: Chris Jericho vs. Batista.

 

{commercials}

 

WWE 24/7 ad. J.R. says to call your local cable company to inquire. He also makes what I believe was the first mention on WWE TV of Triple H appearing in Blade: Trinity. Spoilers! The Vampire Covenant pretends to fight amongst themselves, but it's a plot to trick Blade. HHH survives a stake to the heart and kills Blade. Then he kills Van Helsing and Ray Charles and the Incredibles.

 

Just kidding, twas but an allegory.

 

The Raw Interactive don't-guess-this-week's-swerve question is "Is Triple H trying to run Batista out of Evolution?"

 

CHRIS JERICHO vs. BATISTA (w/ Ric Flair) (w/o of control)

The intense animal Batista unleashes his intense, animalistic rage on Y2J. He dominates until Jericho makes a comeback and hits a pescado. Jericho sunset flips out of the Batista Bomb for 2. Batista branches Jericho in the tree of woe, then goes behind the post and pulls Jericho's head backwards, which does not look comfortable. He snaps, won't let go, and gets disqualified. After the bell, he nails Jericho with the Clothesline From D.C. Batista is OUT OF CONTROL.

 

{commercials}

 

Backstage, Triple H mock claps for Batista. He tells him he blew it, he lost, he's got a million dollar body and a ten cent brain. "Screw you," says Batista to the big pop. He storms off. HHH tells Flair that he'd better go talk to him. Flair says "With all due respect, you need to back off Batista." More like with all WOO respect.

 

Elsewhere backstage, Todd Grisham asks Edge why he attacked Christian last week. Edge explains that he is, in fact, a Lone Wolf who is only after the world title shot he deserves. Edge thinks Todd is a doubter, so he asks Christy and Maria, of all people, whether or not he deserves a title shot? Christy says no but what the hell does she know? Edge approaches some production nerds but decides they're a lost cause, ha ha. He asks Some Guy, who not only says no, but tells him that he voted for Shawn Michaels at Taboo Tuesday. A vote for Shawn Michaels is like a vote for me calling you dumb. Edge starts to go after him, but Benoit pulls him off. See, WWE does not condone violence against its fans, unlike *some* *organizations* (the *NBA*). Come to our shows and the worst thing that can happen is Simon Dean will call you a fat piece of shit. Edge makes like Batista and walks away in a huff.

 

{commercials}

 

Since it gets truncated in real life tonight, we watch Triple H's entrance from the Smackdown vs. Raw video game.

 

Jonathan Coachman comes out, unaware that he's probably wrestling Orton again. He does an impression of Jim Ross having a heart attack. It's like "Mah gawd, King, I'm having a heart by god attack. I'm going to die for sure. No, I survive. Can you BELIEVE the tenacity of me." Benoit interrupts from the BenoitTron and tells him that there's been a misunderstanding -- by "J.R." he assumed he meant "Just Rhyno." Well, that makes a lot more sense than the silent J in RKO.

 

JONATHAN COACHMAN (w/o Playa's Club feat. Coach) vs. RHYNO (w/o Tajiri)

Coach actually wails on Rhyno with a flurry of punches before getting immediately Gored, 123. Poor Coach. Next week he has to wrestle Jay Reso. Or Jacques Rougeau. Rhyno looks unhappy about getting stiffed by the Coach.

 

Backstage, Lita is WALKING. CRZ your cool.

 

{commercials}

 

WWE Rewind: Trish gets her nose rebroken last week. Also, Trish was on the cover of Oxygen Magazine. In structuralism, Oxygen would be the antithesis of SpikeTV, I think. The girl from the "SpikeTV I'm really pissed!" song could be like me and start watching those Boston Public reruns on Oxygen instead of I Hate My Job with Reverend Al, oh my god.

 

Earlier Tonight: Chris Benoit booked himself in a cage match against Triple H. He brought a cage and everything.

 

Women's Title: LITA vs. MOLLY HOLLY vs. TRISH STRATUS

75% of the women's division is competing in this match. They put Lita in the HHH spot of having everyone against you since it's worked so well at getting him over as a babyface. And Lita is hugely over here. The heels doubleteam her until Trish tries to steal a rollup on Molly. Molly hits the Molly-Go-Round on Trish, 1 2 Lita breaks it up. Lita hits the Evenflow (what no) DDT on Molly, 1 2 Trish pulls Lita out of the ring and steals the pin, 1 2 3. Postmatch, Lita lays out Trish with a rear naked chokeout.

 

Backstage, Flair and Batista celebrates the three year anniversary of Ric's return to the WWF. Actually, Flair tells him not to make the same mistake Orton did. Batista says he's TIRED of waiting his turn. Flair tells him to apologize to Triple H, but Batista isn't having it. Batista is OUT OF CONTROL.

 

{commercials}

 

They air a nicely done Confidential-style feature on Shelton Benjamin's rough childhood growing up in Orangeburg, South Carolina. They do not get around to blaming Bret Hart for ruining Orangeburg's local economy.

 

Champion's Showcase: SHELTON BENJAMIN, EUGENE, and WILLIAM REGAL vs. CHRISTIAN (w/ Tyson Tomko, new song, and new jacket) and LA RESISTANCE (w/ flags)

Last Monday, Regal and Eugene won the world tag team titles. Heels get the heat on Eugene before he tags Shelton. YJ Stinger Splash and flying clothesline on Grenier, pin broken up by Tomko. Christian gets backdropped over the top rope onto Tomko. La Resistance hits Le Hart Attacke on Benjamin. Regal breaks the pin. Eugene hits the Stunner on Conway and he bounces back into Shelton's Hey T-Bone Suplex. 123. The faces dance with the childrens -- Shelton passed on doing it with Trish for this?

 

Mohammad Hassan and Khozrov Davari are mad about airport security and the harassment of Arab-Americans. Hassan demands respect and threatens to beat it out of anyway in his way. Khozrov translates. No Merci. Their next vignette should be about Stephanie Marie McMahon's 9/11 promo.

 

Next: Chris Benoit vs. Triple H. It's only 10:20, so either they're going lengthy or something's up.

 

{commercials}

 

Smackdown Rebound: John Cena regains the U.S. Title from Carlito and a major selljob on Jesus' postmatch attack. Jesus should've been given the Mordecai gimmick. (You see, "Jesus" in print looks exactly like the "Jesus" of Christ fame, which is rather humorous.)

 

Theme from cage lowering lowers the cage. JohnIs2002313 leads the Fantasy GM scoring and was, I suspect, born on March 13, 2002. Johnny5 is in sixth place and is alive. They don't give the results of the poll question about Batista turning on Evolution so I assume their swerve has been foiled for the second week in a row.

 

Chris Benoit makes his entrance and steps inside the (steel) cage, but when it's time for Triple H's entrance, we cut backstage to see Batista storming out of the building with his gear. Flair starts calling for help, saying that Batista snapped. Batista was OUT OF CONTROL. We find HHH lying facedown in a smashed up room. Flair screams for a doctor while all the wrestlers arrives on the scene. Benoit shows up and wants to drag HHH out to the ring anyway, but the doctor says there's no way he can wrestle. Edge empathizes since now Benoit knows what it's like to get screwed out of a title match. Benoit is displeased and books Edge in the cage match as Hunter's replacement. Suckaaaaaaaa.

 

{commercials}

 

(Steel) Cage Match Not For The World Championship: CHRIS BENOIT vs. EDGE

I suspect we will not see a spear off the top rope or a headbutt off the top of the cage. J.R. compares Shawn Michaels to President Bush, as they are both popular vote winners, from Texas, and conduits of the Lord. Best spot in the first half of the match is Benoit baseball sliding into Edge's head, knocking him facefirst into the cage. They bonk heads and we cut backstage to see Batista watching the match on the monitor. I thought he left!?!?!

 

{commercials}

 

Back with Edge in control and Benoit bleeding. Replay shows that he got b-b-busted wide on a slingshot into the cage. Edge tries to climb out, but Benoit pulls him back in and hits a GERMAN! GERMAN! GERMAN! GERMAN! GERMAN! Benoit tries to climb out and Edge pulls him back in to where they're both standing on the top rope. Benoit headbutts him back down and hits the diving headbutt, 1 2 no! Crossface! Edge rolls into the ropes to break, then throws Benoit into the cage. With Benoit now on the apron, Edge baseball slides him into the cage. From the apron, Benoit pulls the cage door into Edge's face. Edge recovers and spears him -- knocking him through the door and onto the floor for the win, haha. A pretty good match. Kind of a cheap finish, but clever. Edge is beside himself, pulling his own hair out in frustration.

 

Backstage, Batista watches on the monitor. Flair says HHH has recovered so he'd better get out of here. Batista tells Flair to bring HHH's ass to the ring and to decide whose side he's on, then heads in that direction to a huge reaction that will go completely wasted. Jesus.

 

That wasn't a reference to the bodyguard this time; it was an exclamatory phrase.

 

{commercials}

 

Batista, unsurprisingly massively over as a face, waits in the ring calling out Hunter. Ba-Tees-Ta chant. Here comes HHH, being restrained by Flair and the doctor. In the ring, they go nose to nose. "Batista, I've only got one thing to say to you. ...... Haha, well done, man." Hug. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh YOU GOT ME! Everybody laughs and the celebration is on. "I'm a genius!" HHH pays off the doctor and explains his brilliant plan. He says the MVP of the evening is Batista, with a "performance worthy of an Academy Award, or at least a Slammy." Batista does a hilarious red carpet wave. He was in control all along. HHH says he still should've beaten Jericho, which Batista flinches at. Anyways, let's bring out the ladies for a celebration.

 

HEY! It's Randy Orton instead. He congratules Evolution on a swerve well done, but next week, he's the general manager. HHH isn't scared, because Orton can't get a title shot. Orton gives him two options. One, Orton vs. Hunter next week, and if Orton wins, the moratorium on title shots is lifted. Triple H "honestly doesn't think anyone is interested in that match," which is probably closer to the truth than anyone would like to admit. So he turns him down. Orton announces plan B instead, which is Triple H vs. everyone behind door number two. And that's ... everybody. Here comes everybody. Jericho, Shelton, oh god Viscera. Next week, HHH vs. the entire Raw roster, minus Orton plus Flair and Batista, in a battle royal with the World Heavyweight Championship on the line. Jesus.

 

That wasn't a reference to the bodyguard or an exclamatory phrase. I was saying that Triple H is Jesus.

 

 

Final Thoughts: What the hell is going on here? This is unconscionable. This is scandalous. I can see the fabric of WWE disintegrating right before my very eyes.

 

Seriously, dudes. The last two weeks have featured the most self-indulgent, insane, out of control, ridiculous backwards booking I've seen since Hulk Hogan had carte blanche in WCW in 1995, and at least he was supposed to be a babyface. Last week, Triple H proved that he could overcome a four-on-one against the top faces, kick out of all their finishes, and retain the title. This week, with the faces already proven to be impotent, they had to be exposed as incompetent too. Having already demonstrated his athletic superiority, they were instead thwarted by the Game's brilliance. Next week, because it's been too subtle so far, we stop beating around the bush: Triple H vs. the entire Raw roster for the World Title. Holy shit. Mr. McMahon at his megalomaniacal worst never stacked the deck that bad against Steve Austin. Layfield is going to look like a real wimp in comparison when all he does is retain against the top three faces in one match.

 

Furthermore, even throwing out every single other HHH Faction Fake Breakup in history, they just did tonight's angle eight weeks ago with Ric Flair. Eight weeks! Trying to get Triple H's teammates to turn on him must be like trying getting wrestlers to unionize. These angles are the wrestling equivalent of Gene Parmesan (http://the-op.com/images/episode/203/ad-gene-parmesan_sm.jpg). "Yup, it looks like Evolution is breaking up again, but I've got some bad news. I'm ... Gene Parmesan. How you doing?" And we're just supposed to be all, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You got me again!"

 

Further furthermore, it absolutely kills me to death that they would invest all this time in a pointless Batista swerve after doing literally zero setup before ACTUALLY TURNING Randy Orton. You're not going to believe this, but shooting angles where you tease a turn ... actually makes people want to see a turn! Batista tonight and Flair teasing his turn two months ago got reactions that every face in the company would kill for. Remarkably, Randy Orton got no such reaction when he turned, because leading up to it, he never mouthed off to Hunter, never stood up to Hunter, never teased turning on Hunter, and never made people want to see him fight Hunter. The angles where you bother to make people want the turn are swerves, but the turns that actually take place come out of nowhere before anyone wants them. So that way, no one ever gets what they want.

 

Batista had people chanting his name tonight just for saying "screw you" -- imagine the eruption it would've gotten if they'd teased dissension between Orton and HHH for three months like they've done with Batista for the last three weeks and built up to Randy spitting in his face. It would've been huge. Then you can do the turn and kick him out of the group, and you have a legitimately hot issue to work with instead of a tepid babyface going through the motions of the Top Face Adversity Formula against a heel who's booked like Austin and Rock in their babyface primes combined. I don't know if Orton vs. HHH would've been a money match in that incarnation either, but it was the closest thing they had, and they certainly don't have it now.

 

 

Whoops, I didn't mean to get all sermonizing and dramatic, but this was one disturbing show. The Todd will be back next week and I'm sure he's in for a treat.

 

jmshapyro@yahoo.com

 

 

--WO

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Interesting show. The swerve was obvious when it didn't show you Batista beating on Triple H. Weird booking again around Triple H where the odds are continually stacked against him. Like next week when he is facing the whole roster.

 

Benoit carried himself well on the mic and I'm really enjoying Edge's new "everyone's against me" character. It is working really well for him.

 

I thought it was a pretty good show but not as good as last week.

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Nice review, i liked the in between jokes too. I had silent fits of manly giggles.

 

I am pissed though. Because if they had have left it as not a swerve it would've been one kickass storyline. I mean, it looked good on paper....monitor and it could've been good. I reserve my full opinion untill I see bottomline on satrdyah but as of now I am pissed at the almost constant ballsing up of storylines.

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Nice reveiw.

 

RAW absoulutely sucked this week. They are using the same story they did with Flair a FEW weeks ago. This is getting ridiculous, you can't have your HEEL win EVERY FREAKING MATCH. Well this was an awful RAW if you can't see it you aren't missing anything.

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Just out of interest does ANYONE think that HHH has a chance of losing the title next week?

 

I'm REALLY hoping he does just to make things more interesting but obviously I just can't see it... someone convince me please. I mean come on if he defends against the ENTIRE locker room then really, its probably the biggest sell out since all those Buzz Lightyear toys a number of years ago.

 

*Loving the "Are you ready for some wrestling?"*

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Just out of interest does ANYONE think that HHH has a chance of losing the title next week?

 

I'm REALLY hoping he does just to make things more interesting but obviously I just can't see it... someone convince me please. I mean come on if he defends against the ENTIRE locker room then really, its probably the biggest sell out since all those Buzz Lightyear toys a number of years ago.

 

*Loving the "Are you ready for some wrestling?"*

 

There may be a reason Jericho is GM last. Doobedoo

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For those that were wondering what the segment to start off the show was all about:

 

The whole segment was a take off a Monday Night Football skit involving Terrell Owens (NFL player) and a actress from a primetime series called "Desperate Housewives". The intention was to publise "Desperate Housewives" in front of the constantly HUGE Monday Night Football audience.

 

People saw the skit as offensive ( A blonde embracing a black man is still not accepted as the norm in many parts of the U.S) and hypocritical after the huge uproar the caused by the NFL after Janet Jackson's "Wardrobe Malfunction" at this years Superbowl.

Posted by Liam Fiddis on the UKFF

 

LOL - I thought that WWE segment was great :)

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I thought raw was about as good as last week, but that beginning clip was pathetic. I know it has a meaning in referenco to TO and Monday night footbal etc but was it really worth showing it to us over in the UK? Stupid really, however the rest of the show was great, and next week should be good as well.
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I liked Raw again this week.

 

Would have prefered if they didnt do the set up and have Batista actually attack HHH, and face him at the PPV. The Battle Royal next week will be interesting, might still have a Batista/HHH fued, I can see HHH elminating Batista.

 

The ''You have a million dollar body and a 10 cent brain'' comment was great.

 

Nothing beats the opening segment though, Quality :lol

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