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Beckham Joke


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Raul, Ronaldo and Beckham were all at Real Madrid's canteen.


They were eating lunch and Raul said; "Tapas again! If I get tapas one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off the top of the stadium."


Ronaldo opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."


Beckham opened his lunch and said, "Ham & Cheese again. If I get a Ham & Cheese sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."


The next day Raul opened his lunch box, saw Tapas and jumped to his death.


Ronaldo opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.


Beckham opened his lunch, saw the ham & Cheese and jumped to his death as well.


At the funeral Raul's wife was weeping.

She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of Tapas I never would have given it to him again!"

Ronaldo's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or

enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."


Everyone turned and stared at Posh Spice.


"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."

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David Beckham gets called in to his managers office for not playing well in the last game and the manager asks.

"so what was wrong with you today" "well boss you see i have been doing this jigsaw at home and it's doing my head in and i just cant stop thinking about it" Beckham Replied. "Well" says the manager "ley me see it and i will see what i can do so that you can play".

So Beckham goes into his kit bag and brings out the jigsaw and proceeds to tip the pieces onto his boss's desk.

"look" he says "it has a picture of a tiger on the front but i just can't get it"

Then his boss looks at the jigsaw pieces and then the box and back again.He then looks up at Beckham and says "David will you please put the Frosties back in the box and leave"

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Q. Why did David Beckham refuse the Cortizone Injection?

A. He said he didn't like Italian sports cars.


David Beckham walks into his bedroom to find Posh humping Gary Neville.

"That's it! I have had enough, Vic!" he says angrily, "I'm ending this right now!"

David pulls a gun from his pocket and points it at his own head!

"No David!", screams Posh, "It doesn't have to be like this!"

"Quiet bitch!" David screams, "You're next!"



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David Beckham went horse riding. Victoria was there laughing and smiling watching David happily until suddenly david found himself slipping off. He got his foot caught which barely kept him on as he was flung violently from side to side with his head hitting the ground as Victoria starts screaming and shouting for help.


A young man helps David off before pushing it back into Tescos.

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David Beckham is celebrating; "43 days, 43 days!" he shouts happilly. Posh asks him why hes celebrating.

He answers "Well Honey, I've done this jigsaw in only 43 days."

"And that's good?" asks Posh.

"You bet Hon" says David."It says 3 to 6 years on the box."



David Beckham is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students

if anyone can give him an example of a 'tragedy'. One little boy stands

up and offers that if my best friend who lives

next door was playing in the street and a car came along and killed him

that would be a tragedy.

"No," Beckham says, "that would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand.

"If a school bus carrying fifty children drove

off a cliff, killing everyone involved..... that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Beckham. "That is what we would call a GREAT


The room is silent, none of the children volunteer.

"What?" asks Beckham, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an


of a tragedy?"

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says

"If an airplane carrying David Beckham was blown up by a bomb, *that*

would be a tragedy."

Beckham beams. "Marvellous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a


"Well," says the boy "because it wouldn't be an accident and it


wouldn't be a great loss."

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Sir Alex Ferguson is on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and has reached the million pound question.

Chris Tarrant says "Right Sir Alex, this is for one million pounds, and

remember, you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time.

Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a set? Is it,

a) a badger

b) a ferret

c) a mole or

d) a cuckoo?

Fergie ponders for a while and says "No, I'm sorry Chris, I'm not too sure.

I'll have to go 50-50.

" Chris says "OK computer, take away two wrong answers and leave the one right answer and one wrong answer." "Badger" and "cuckoo" are the two remaining choices.

Fergie has a long think, then scratches his head and says "No, Chris, I'm still not sure, I'm going to have to phone a friend." "So who are you going to call, Sir Alex?" says

Chris. "Hmmm..." ponders Fergie. "I think I'll call David Beckham." So Tarrant phones David Beckham.

"David, this is Chris Tarrant from 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'.

I've got Sir Alex Ferguson here, and with your help he could win one million pounds. The next voice you hear will be Sir Alex's". "Hello David" says Fergie. "It's the boss here. What type of animal lives in a set? Is it a badger or a cuckoo?"

"It's a badger, boss." says Becks without hesitation. "You sure, son?" says Fergie. "Definitely, boss. One hundred percent. It's a badger. Definitely." "Right, Chris," says Fergie, "I'll go with David. The answer's a badger. Final answer." "Sir Alex," says Chris, "that's the correct answer. You've won one million pounds!!"

Cue wild celebrations. Next morning at training, Fergie calls Beckham across. "Son, that was brilliant last night. I thought I might be taking a gamble giving you a call but you played a blinder! But how the hell did you know that a badger lives in a set?".

"Oh I didn't, boss," replies Beckham, "but everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock."

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