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Men Fight Back


E2K
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A friend e-mailed these to me under the heading "For good men who need a laugh and the select few women that can handle the truth." Please don't be offended - I obviously don't believe these things or else I'd never have a girlfriend. It's just a bit of fun - and by the way girls, feel free to retaliate in kind :devil

 

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be

able to support you.

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Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things"

that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts

a sentence with "A man once told me.."

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How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who

do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.

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I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's

called a Wedding Cake.

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Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

 

:lol

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Touche E2K Touche!!!!

 

How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

 

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

 

What should you give a man who has everything?

A woman to show him how to work it.

 

How can you tell when a man is well hung?

When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

 

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

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Touche E2K Touche!!!!

 

How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

 

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

 

What should you give a man who has everything?

A woman to show him how to work it.

 

How can you tell when a man is well hung?

When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

 

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

 

:worship :thumbsup

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Don't worry E2K, you can't win, they don't think in common sense, logic or any form of recognisable pattern.

 

The trick is not to bother and spend all your money on Playstation 2 games... easier to block out the nagging and the sexist comments about superiority and she suddenly feels very alone....

 

Saracen

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Apologies in advance...

 

The difference between a 19 year old girl and a washing machine?

 

A washing machine doesn't follow you around for 3 months saying "But I love you..." after you dump your load in it.

Edited by A.C.
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Younger readers should cover their eyes again..

 

Q. Why did God give men penises?

A. So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

 

Q. What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick?

A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your check.

 

Q. How is a woman like a laxative?

A. They both irritate the shit out of you.

 

Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?

A. It's Braille for "suck here".

 

Q. Why do men die before their wives?

A. They want to.

 

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?

A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

 

Q. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?

A. Lipstick.

 

Q. Why do women have tits?

A. So men will talk to them.

 

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?

A. You come in one and go in the other.

 

Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?

A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

 

Q. What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?

A. Money.

 

Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?

A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

 

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?

A. After 5 years your job will still suck.

 

Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?

A. Ten minutes of silence.

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