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Coping.


Paul
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Hey all.

 

Some of you out there know (but most of you don't) that my fiancee is seriously ill. I'm not coping very well and have started to withdraw into myself, this is a bad thing! I was wondering how you all cope with crappy situations, any advice would be gratefully accepted.

 

Thanks,

 

Darkstar

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sorry to hear that man, my thoughts are with you. In bad situations i always sit and think to myself to do the best for whoever is concerned and stand by them and if its me in trouble i have to remember to put myself first

 

crap advice i know but its mine

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My mom is often ill and she often talks to me proably cas she doesn't want to be lonely. It makes you feel awkward but even just keeping her company is a huge help, and they will appreciate it.

 

Try and think of things to do. Just sitting by her and comforting her will give her encouragement to get better. It's like that psychological thing about prayer actually being a proven healer. It's a psychological deal where the encouragement stimulates them to start thinking more positively and the muscles starting to work more and eventually heal. Tell her funny stories. keep her warm with a water bottle or cups of tea. Keep her amused. And every now and then (don't overuse it), just tell her you love her.

 

It's all you can do in situations like this. If she thinks you're coping as bad as she is, she'll lose all hope.

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Draven pretty much summed it up mate, although I recommend doing he opposite of what I do: bottling it all up.

 

And that's about it, I suppose. Perhaps you and her should do a bungee jump to get the adrenaline going? If she's up to it, of course...

 

Cheers!

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The important thing Darky is never lose hope, my mum has had renal failure all my life, serious renal failue, niether of her kidneys work at all....

 

She has been on life support about three times and has had transplants fail and all the worse things you can imagine happening to a renal patient.... But she's still here, she weathers the storm and recovers and if my little short arse mum can do that I'm certain that your women can too...

 

So be there for her, and spend time and enjoy every second... Dra's advice is probably the best anyone can give so follow it and everyting Darky will be ok...

 

Good luck man and my thoughts are with you.

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I know that some will roll their eyes at this but

 

PRAY.

 

Even for those who don't have a close relationship with the Lord or even "believe" enough to give Him conscious thought or recognition, praying could be a good way to vent your feelings of worry, frustration, and fear.

 

Who knows, it could begin a new era in your life.

 

It certainly can't hurt. And believe it or not, He IS listening, He IS available, and He CARES. he wants us to talk to Him, to seek His counsel, and to bring our problems to Him.

 

That very advice changed my entire life five and a half years ago.

 

I will be praying for you and your mom.

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I'm sending my positive thoughts to you.

 

Yo Dude,

 

I'm seriously moved by what has been written here :cry , and whilst everyone else has pretty much summed up the best advice, I think that if you show your girl this thread it will empower her and that is along with laughter a very powerful healer.

 

My mum has a degenerative spine disease and has had it since she was 33 years old she is now 55 and I once asked her how she coped with the pain as she won't take meds or tabs, and she told me that she has had the pain so long that if it went away she would miss it, she has always been my hero, but after that I was awestruck. What gets her through is a sense of humour and a will of iron, and her family around her.

 

Love each second dude, it is only hope that we own at the end of the day.

 

I will pray for you...

 

Spiritchaser.

Humbled.

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Failing that, get drunk a lot.

 

HEY! Someone has to inject a joke into this before I satrt greeting at the site of this thread!

 

See, that would be my advice - try and retain both your and your fiancee's sense of humour. My mum is ill, has been as long as I can remember, and both my Dad and I both crack jokes about around her, to keep her spirits up. She even joins in now (she'd probably feel left out if she didn't!) and I genuinely think laughter is the best medicine. Beside Benilyn. Which tastes nice too. But I digress...

 

Just keep on keeping on - it's all you can do.

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Everyone has given great advice already. As Boyo said, don't bottle it up if you can avoid it. Try to keep up your spirits and be strong for your fiancée, but if you need to be comforted when you're not with her then try to talk to someone else close to you for support. Just do your best for her, but accept that sometimes you might need people to help you as well, and that you're not being selfish by asking someone really close to you to listen to you and support you when they can.

 

I hope you can cope with everything that is happening and I wish the best fo luck to you and your fiancée.

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Hey Darkstar,

I am terribly sorry to hear about your girl.

I lost my mom about four years ago to an ongoing illness and the whole time she was sick I did the best I could to keep her spirits up...like Dra said...never forget to tell her that you love her.

My girlfriend also has suffered many illnesses including cancer...and she has always pulled through, as a matter of fact, she is sitting right here next to me and also sends her thoughts of encouagment and says to "Never give up!"

Just hang in there Darkstar...It also helps to just treat her as you always have and don't forget to tell her that she is beautiful...no matter what, O.k?

 

The time we have is short in this world...so don't ever forget to tell the people you care about just how much you love them and how much they mean to you...Tommorow is never guaranteed!

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