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Best Joke Ever


E2K
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Ok, this joke is as old as the hills. It was told to me by my brother when I was a kid, and its still my favourite joke EVER. So I wanted to find out if any of the rest of you have ever heard it. If not, you're in for a treat:

 

WARNING: Might cause offence, so don't blame me if you read on from here.

 

 

 

So, Jesus is on the cross on the Hill of Calvary, and he sees Peter at the bottom. So he calls him:

 

"Peter, Peter come quick!!!"

 

So Peter drops what he's doing and legs it up the hill. Unfortunately the Roman soldiers catch him halfway up, chop his legs off, and throw him back down.

 

And still Jesus is calling him:

 

"Peter, Peter come quick!!!"

 

So Peter drags himself back up the hill with his arms, only to be caught again by the Romans, gets his arms chopped off, and thrown back down again.

 

And still:

 

"Peter, Peter, come quick!!!"

 

So Peter, using all his might, wiggles his way up the hill with no arms and no legs. Even the Romans feel sorry for him and let him on. Finally, after hours of struggle, he reaches the top.

 

" . . . . you called, my Lord?"

 

"Peter, Peter!! . . . . . . I can see your house from here!!!"

 

:lol :lol :lol

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Another Jesus joke, please don't get annoyed...

 

Jesus is resurrected goes down to his local job centre plus and see's about a job to earn some money while he spreads his word...

 

He sits down next to the women and she asks him about his work experance... hmmm she says, "Carpenter or Messiah, well I don't have any messiah related work in ath the moment but I have two carpenter jobs..."

 

"Sounds good where are?" they says Jesus

 

"Well theres one in Liverpool but the other one in Jersulam is better paid"

 

"I'll take the one in Liverpool" says Jesus, "The last time I went to Jersulam I was hammered with tax"

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Not another joke about Religion...

 

The Pope received a phone call one day,

"Hi there Mr Pope, sir, it's Colonel Sanders from KFC. I have a business proposition for you."

"What is your idea?", asks the Pope.

"KFC are willing to give The Vatican $1m, so you can continue with your excellent work, if you change the line in the Holy Prayer from 'give us our daily bread' to 'give us our daily chicken'."

"Oh, I can't do that," the Pope says.

"How about for $10m?" asks Sanders,

"Hmmmm, I really don't think so." says the Pope

"Ok, final offer," says Sanders, "$100 MILLION DOLLARS to the Vatican, up front, to continue your charity work, and you change the line to 'give us our daily chicken'. That's all!"

"Let me discuss it with my cardinals" the Pope says.

 

So the Pope calls a meeting with all the cardinals,

"Guys, I have some good news and some bad news", he says, "the good news is that Kentucky Fried Chicken are giving us $100m to continue our work for charities,"

The room murmurs with excitement,

"The bad news...we've lost the Hovis account."

 

Cheers!

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:lol

 

Getting off the religious aspect, theres another joke that I heard thats REALLY dumb, but it made me laugh all the same:

 

Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnie are auditioning for a part in a new action movie about the great composers. Stallone gets the part of Beethoven, Bruce gets Mozart.

 

Arnie decides: "I'll be Bach"

 

:lol

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E2K normally I would have a go at u for it but u did warn us so thanx I got 1 about the pope its crap but hey its about the pope a tour guide is taking a group of tourists to the popes house he starts talking about the pope as the pope comes round the corner he says speak of the devil!
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