In September, I know I said I was gonna be pretty much leaving this place. Well, this is me leaving it properly now despite saying beforehand that I wouldn’t do one of these big goodbyes. The problem is I hate so many of you that I just couldn’t leave that way.
Before I go on, I would like to think that no mod will edit this or censor it, since this my last post ever at TWO and I think in all the years of service I’ve given to the site I deserve a chance to speak my mind.
I have to say it’s been an enjoyable 5 years on TWO, I made friends with a few people who will remain on my MSN list and that I’ll still talk to. However, I’m done with the whole smark thing and as much as I will always enjoy watching a bit of Raw if I happen to flick past it, aside from enjoying the Royal Rumble – Wrestlemania period, I just don’t care about wrestling anymore. I’ll always love it but not enough to hang around on this forum, which to be honest now plays host to a quality of wrestling discussion you’d probably find in Primary school classrooms across the country.
In my time at the site I had a great time. I had loads of fun writing columns vastly superior to Boyo’s and actually letting people enjoy reading articles which didn’t treat them as if they didn’t have a clue about wrestling and instead hopefully made them laugh instead at how much I would moan. If I could only put ‘columnist for a wrestling website’ and show off my fine work on my CV, I would.
I had loads of fun in the chatroom just generally messing around and passing time when I was bored, though I think I was probably one of the most lenient mods around. Also of course had a great time on the forums when wrestling discussion here was at its best, when you had the characters of Singhy, Tazz, Ed, Crippler, Tsumirren, Jung all very actively coming out with wrestling discussion when there was actually discussion to be had. Wrestling’s boring to talk about now, it’s just too easy to complain about, theres no fun in being a smark anymore.
When I think back of my time at TWO I remember the good times when, well, half the members who are here now weren’t, coincidentally. The site I arrived at was one where people who couldn’t write a decent sentence or make a decent point were shouted down and ignored until they became better posters. The site I arrived at you would find yourself constantly coming back to see the next interesting topic that would come up. These days there’s a nice ‘DREAM WCW MATCH – ROUND 45’ or ‘BEST RAW TAG TEAM’ every 2 days which really is not for me, or for anybody else with half a brain. It’s interesting to see what’s happened… all the better posters have just got to the stage of either posting on other forums or mainly discussing wrestling amongst others on MSN.
Aside from this, I have to say I dunno what happened, one year a bunch of really annoying people appeared to all come to this site at once. Ah yeh, you see this is the part where I insult most of you.
Actually, its really difficult to know where to start. So I guess I’ll just open up the members list here and see how this goes. Oh look, I’ll do it by rep points. Goodness me what a joke. Half of you people who have ‘reputation’… hahaha. Oh dear. CIRCLEJERK~!
I dunno what it was, I think it was around the RX time you guys all came. It’s hilarious to think of that stupid RX avatar and all the monkeys who came with it who then tried to act 2 months later like they were completely different people. I actually shouldn’t even really mention RX since it’ll make them think like they were a real happening thing in TWO. Truth is I remember it as the GAYEST thing that I have ever come across in my time here though.
Anyhow, I should be thankful you guys came. Cause if you didn’t then we wouldn’t have CHEERS~! Boyo. Best darn internet writer ever. I think it would have been better though if he’d finished his article with Sean O’Haire’s “But I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know” as I remember them being about as enthralling as scratching my balls.
And we wouldn’t have had Darkstar’s family either. I mean I was seriously just waiting for the day Darkstar’s cat joined. Darkstar I never had a problem with you but can I just say I never for the love of God understood why you would bring your family here… its actually quite scary. And then I hear about internet relationships involving your sister and a number of TWO users and I just think… O….K…
Infact I’ve heard a lot of awful stories about sexy time going on between certain members here and its hilarious. I dunno if these exclusive TWO meet ups were actually just organised sex orgies in the end or what… but there was always something about those meetups that worried me. Maybe it’s the fact that most of the people involved were degenerates… I’m not sure. Truth is this place really does feel like its full of weirdos and its why I have really tried to distance myself from it recently… I mean jeez its embarrassing enough liking wrestling already.
Spiritchaser, I would say something about you but really I dunno, you’ve been done about a million times already, and I dunno who the other one was but he was probably a retard too. I think its easy to forget who seemed to come with this package tho as well, good old Christof. Christof man, I have found you to be incredibly irritating since the day you joined. Whether its because you’re one of these people who will suck up to Kam for a job until you have no air left in your lungs or whether its because you’re one of these members who likes to pretend to have authority when they have none, I dunno, but you are one irritating individual.
I actually picture you as being one of these 20 something video store managers who goes on about team meetings and being a team player and stuff like that. Maybe look into a job at Blockbuster actually, you’d be the exact type they’d be after. You remind me of these irritating students who are active in the most pointless of pointless societies, and the annoying type who actually tries to get you to vote in student elections that nobody gives a toss about. Why on EARTH you have any respect around here I have no idea, because you arrived here an annoying gaydo and you’ve not changed since you arrived. You are one of the people I actually bless the Lord that I will never hear from again and I have to wish you much luck in that dead end Managers job at a KFC or something you’ll end up in. Though maybe with the food involved there that wouldn’t be such a good idea.
I shouldn’t really single you out for this since there was a number of you who liked to play the liberal PC drum in the last year or so which was highly irritating. You people are the reason that internet forums suck, since there is not much point in punching your monitor after all. I wish you all luck in your new Civil Partnerships and if you happen to contract Aids and die of it, well, my condolences.
Yes I realise as I type this that I can never ever get into politics unless it’s a very low key job but I decided to drop that idea instead since its far more fun to be anti-liberal and rile up people who have nothing better to do than play the holier-than-thou card so they can feel better about themselves. It’s just a shame that deep down your lives are so deeply unfulfilled that you feel you have to do so.
Jayden, I know he isn’t here anymore but I’m sure one of his butt buddies will pass this on to him. I never knew much about you except for that you liked men and that you have a nice past. I’m wondering whats wrong with some of you people when you hold someone who had sex with a 15 year old, had sex with Sunflower in her car behind her husband's back in high regard. Er. Yes. Plus he’s gay, how on earth can you like this guy. Whatever you’re up to Jayden, I hope you are happy with the rest of your life and that you don’t believe in God cause dearie me hell awaits buddy.
In my time at TWO I have noticed obviously that 90% of the users here are male. However over time theres been a number of girls on the site. What can I say, Nicole and Miss T are brilliant of course. Always enjoyed sharing banter with Nicole in the chatroom and have always seen her as an old school buddy. And Miss T, as much as I don’t like you slagging Manchin, you’re one of the few normal people at TWO and have been a good laugh to talk to. Now that I’m leaving I can say yeh, I’d shag Miss T, but at the same time we’re blatantly not the type that would go for each other. Shagging would still be nice. Taki, I’d shag you of course, several times and enjoy it thoroughly, and loved flirting with you though you’re a bit high maintenance and maybe need to stop being so needy. For the sake of mankind anyway. Amy the few times I spoken to you, you seem like a good laugh and same goes with Popsi… I have no idea who Sunflower is really but I have seen her nipple. No doubt there’s some debauched story like Gene slept with her whilst wearing DC’s wrestling tights and Vikki was next door or something though. Bunch of weirdos.
Ed, as much as I hated you at first, you’re not an idiot really, and so I have to say that at the end of the day you have my respect and I did enjoy arguing with you about HHH. The exact same with MLM, who I also totally changed my opinion on.
I could do two things for the next one. I mean I could just say to Anime Otaku or whatever gay name he currently uses that I would love to recreate the Brock Lesnar – Zach Gowen feud with him, particularly the bit involving pushing the wheelchair down the stairs, or I could be even more evil. I dunno, I am fighting the evilness inside me here because I am not 100% evil but jeez… I can’t even say I hate you because I really do nothing you. I mean its almost like too easy a target because I’ll be frank with you man, you have NOTHING going for you. You have one HORRIBLE personality and you need to maybe take a look at yourself and realise it. Unless you join some sad club or something you will not get on with normal people, you have to just admit that there is no need to be so gay, wean yourself off a lot of the sad stuff like the Japanese cartoons, and be a bit more of a lad. Trust me, you’ll thank me in the long run for saying this. There’s hope for you maybe as long as you stop being such a fag. Either that or jeez, just get a boyfriend. You have annoyed me thoroughly with your fascination for gay news and I hope one day you find a better hobby. Just because I won’t be here to put you in your place anymore doesn’t mean you’ll be any less pathetic.
Other than that, I guess I really don’t have much time for the rest of you. I mean I think I really just have to say that theres a few people who I’ve enjoyed having banter with at TWO and a small number of you will stay on my MSN list.
I won’t block most of you so if you ever feel the need to contact me, perhaps to complain about this rant, then feel free to do so. Dra, Colin, Chris, you guys are all legends and I loved doing TWO radio, it was absolutely superb and such a great laugh. A big shout out also to Russ, for listening to exciting Manchin saga and being banter for the last while as well. Love being entertained by Wyndorf and AC and the excellent posting through the years by Cripp, Jung, Tazz, Singhy, Naitch and recently Beltmark, though man you need to get a job working for Hogan’s PR department or something! Inno man, will miss your banter too of course, always loved the Live Wire, was always a brilliant read.
Just briefly, members who I haven’t mentioned that I like (the rest I am either indifferent to or, more likely, I dislike you)… Trash you’re cool, you didn’t deserve to be treated by Taki like that… stay away from the meetups and remain cool. Jack, when I’m gone you have to represent the normal people here ok. Almost all the members of staff like Alan and Clarkey I’ve always had time for. Generally the people Kam has chosen to work for him have been decent people, with the exception of E2K, Boyo and other reprobates.
Well that’s about it. Kam sir, it’s been a pleasure serving TWO and a pleasure being here, but this is me officially resigning as chatroom moderator and leaving TWO for good. Simon signing out.
And now I’m off to begin my successful career as a wealthy lawyer. I hate you all.